Emma Question #83


Hi Joshua,

I have been thinking about a guy I used to date. I keep having dreams about him too. I was on and off with him for a few years, I really liked him, but he would always be hot and cold. I haven't even spoken to him in 3 years. But the thing was, I didn't unconditionally accept him. I thought I was wrong for even liking him, but I just did. I thought it reflected badly on me for liking him, because he was a bit of a bad guy, class clown, etc. And this belief was reflected back to me by people saying to me why do you like him, you can do so much better.

Whenever I start thinking about him again I'd get annoyed at myself, as I would feel like I was going backwards when I had come so far with getting over him. But the fact that he keeps popping up in my mind even as I raise my vibration more and more suggests to me that there is something here for me to heal or look into. The most recent realisation I have had is, there is nothing wrong with me for liking him. And there is nothing wrong with him. He is another human living the best life he can, and he deserves to be loved. When I imagine being with him, I can just see all of my friends disapproving. And I think that is what I need to get over. If it makes me happy to be with someone, then that's all that matters, not how it reflects on me. And the only reason my friends have expressed disapproval of this guy is because they were reflecting my own beliefs back to me about being wrong for liking this guy, and seeing him as not good enough.

I haven been trying to practice a visualisation with this guy now where I am really happy with him and he is the guy of my dreams. I don't know if he can actually be that guy in real life and it doesn't matter if it's not him, I just thought the visualisation will help me reach there feeling of what I want and bring in the real match, whoever that may be. But then another part of me worries that thinking about an ex is detrimental and blocking any other potential guys. Thoughts?


Dear Emma,

We see this visualization of love and acceptance as a wonderful tool to bring forth the manifestation of that which you truly desire. As there are no coincidences, it is no coincidence you are dreaming about him now and thinking about him at this exact point in your life. We agree that he may not be the one, but the benefit of the visualization will be to see how limiting beliefs are causing you to resist that which you truly want. You do not really want to be loved, you truly want to unconditionally express your love.

In the past, you might have felt like you deserved better than this man because you could not accept him as he was. You wanted a feeling that he didn't give you. It was the feeling of worthiness. You wanted him to be different than he was so that you could feel worthy being with him. Since he could not change, you maintained these feelings and they were reflected back to you perfectly by your friends. You can see that the entire scenario was for you to see how your limiting beliefs about yourself were causing the resistance. Now that you can see it and understand it, you can work to lessen the intensity of these beliefs.

By looking back on that time in your life from your present perspective, you can see how it all unfolded perfectly based on your vibration at the time. Your vibration is different now and this allows you to look at past events, such as this one, from a higher perspective. It is a perspective based in love rather than fear. It doesn't mean that you could or should go back to him specifically, but it means that your resistance has been reduced, your vibration has been elevated, and now someone new has the potential to enter your reality as a result. It will be someone who you might have looked over in the past because he will not look like your type, initially. When you get to know him, you will find him rather appealing indeed.

Your true desire is to love and as you look back on your ex, you can feel love for him and the resistance has dissipated, because you feel more worthy now. You can look back at your friends as well and see that they were not being wrong, they were simply mirroring your feelings and so you can love them for that too. It is this feeling of acceptance that causes you to want to reestablish contact, and maybe you will, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. However, your vibration is different now. It is elevated and we think that this will attract someone who will be a very strong match to your new level of awareness and consciousness. We are interested to watch how this all plays out. You have just completed a step. What is the next step from here? What does your inner self think?

With our love,
We are Joshua