Emma Question #70


Hi Joshua,

Thank you for your last answer, confidence is something I have been thinking about and working on so much lately. I'm definitely improving!

I'm just curious about something though. Why is it that other insecure girls out there attract in relationships that reflect their insecurities back to them, yet I attract no relationships to reflect mine? Like, why haven't I attracted in a boyfriend who makes me feel insecure? Not that I would want this or prefer to be in a crappy relationship over being single, but I'm just curious.

When trying to work this out myself I thought - maybe I am just at an unusually low level of insecurity that I just can't attract any relationship in? But that didn't feel right. I don't think I'm that insecure. So maybe it is that I have enough self love and respect to not make me a match to crappy relationships, but I have just not cultivated quite enough self love yet to make me a match to the type of guy/relationship I actually want. What do you think?


Dear Emma,

We think that many things are happening around this. We believe that while you have an ideal of a certain guy, and might not be quite ready for him, you are confident enough that you do not need the clarifying aspects of a crappy relationship in which your insecurities are shown to you. In other words, the universe understands the the desire you hold and the beliefs you have and therefore your desire does not need to be clarified through the contrast that a crappy relationship would bring. The reason so many people go through terrible relationships is to clarify their desire. You have already done that, however, you are not yet a vibrational match to the ideal that is in your head and heart right now.

If you had insecurities that you did not rationally know about, you would be happy to date anyone who asked you. In the course of that relationship, you would experience contrast and refine your idea of self. Since your desire is already well established, you do not need to go through any of those kinds of relationships. So you are caught in a state of flux. On one hand you have an ideal in mind and on the other hand you realize you are not quite ready for that person to show up. The question is, will you become a vibrational match to what it is you want?

Think about this guy you want. How does it feel? How do you feel with him? How does it feel when you're around his friends and family? How does it feel when you introduce him to your friends and family? Is your idea of him so rigid that you cannot allow in the possibility of anyone else? Are you setting the bar so high that you never have to face the danger of establishing a relationship with all the complexities and fears that might come to the surface? Are you attaching your value to the quality of guy you date and if so, what does that say about you? Will you define your worth based on the guy you date? What if it doesn't work out? Then what? What will that say about you?

Think about these questions and ask yourself why it is that the most wonderful girl in the world chooses not to date anyone? Do you know that it is always your choice? As soon as you say you're ready, someone will come along. If you do not recognize that he is the one for you, you won't give him the time of day. Your vibration currently emits a frequency of rejection. Anyone who approaches you will be rejected, therefore no one can approach you. We say loosen up on the ideal, play around with the idea of seeing someone on a casual basis and open your vibration to the possibility of someone who you never thought you would be attracted to. It is not the conditions of the world that is causing you to be single in this moment, it is the vibration you are emitting.

The second your vibration changes from closed to open, men will appear as if from nowhere. You will be inundated with offers, and at this point you will have to make a choice. Will you hang onto this ideal or will you allow for a clarifying experience to come to you? It's not that you do not need a clarifying experience, it's just that you can't imagine it being fun. What if it is fun and clarifying at the same time?

The way you find your passion in life is by following the thread of many interests. The way you find the guy you want is by being interested in many different types of guys. It's not your insecurity that needs to be clarified, but your ideal of the one right guy who will be a perfect match to you. It doesn't really work like this because your mate will match you, but will also test you.

With our love,
We are Joshua