Emma Question #7


Hi Joshua,

After your last answer and the discussions on the call today, I have been thinking about my desire for a relationship as a status symbol to prove my worth, and have been trying to imagine what sort of relationship I would want if proving my worth was totally out of the picture. I am enjoying this new way of thinking. I really want to become someone who fully knows her self worth and doesn't require anything external to prove it! I really want to reach the place of not caring at all what anyone thinks of me!

Anyway, on the topic of caring what others think, I had a manifestation event today.

So there is this girl I used to be friends with throughout childhood, but I distanced myself from her a few years ago as I found her annoying, manipulative, and a real drain on my energy and didn't enjoy hanging around her. She, however, always really wanted to be friends with me. Every now and again I get messages from her wanting to catch up. Well anyway, today I wished her a happy birthday on her Facebook wall to be kind and polite, as she had also wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago when it was mine. She wrote back saying she would really like to catch up with me, suggested I visit her (she lives 3 hours away..) and asked me to let her know when I'm free. I felt a lot of resistance to receiving this reply.

At first I was like geez, I just wanted to say happy birthday and now I have to deal with this! I definitely don't want to visit her, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. So I have been trying to think of what to write back to her. I know me not wanting to hurt her feelings is actually me trying to control her to make me feel better. And I also am trying to control what others think of me, I don't want them to think I am a mean person or a bitch by ignoring this girl.

So yeah, I'm pretty sure this is not how an allower feels in this sort of situation! What is an allowing, higher perspective I could take?


Dear Emma,

You are right. You are trying to control how you feel about yourself. You are not really concerned with her feelings or her thoughts about you and that is how it should be. You are only being nice because you want to feel that she thinks highly of you and this allows you to feel good. Well, we say forget all that. It doesn't matter what other people think about you because you can never really know what they think and their perception of you is based on their own perception of reality. It never, ever has anything to do with you; it has only to do with them.

If you do not want to do something, then don't do it. However, you must understand the difference between not doing something out of fear or not doing something out of love. Let's look at this in more detail.

Fist of all, you had a manifestation event and you felt negative emotion. This is a very good thing. There is a limiting belief and an irrational fear that is at the base of the belief. In order to become a vibrational match to what you want, you must adjust your vibration by reducing the intensity (and the limiting effects) of this belief. The belief will limit you from receiving what you want, so you must deal with it.

You can ignore this limiting belief and write the whole thing off as ridiculous. You don't have to see your friend. You don't have to continue a dead relationship, etc. However, if you don't resolve your fear now, it will come up again and again and again and become stronger and stronger. Why not face this fear now?

So what is the fear at the base of this limiting belief? She is annoying. Okay, that is a fear-based judgment for sure. Why is she annoying? Why do you believe she is negative? What does it matter if she is negative? Why is she draining your energy? Can someone really drain your energy? Aren't you in control of your own energy? Looks like you have some thinking to do and some beliefs to modify.

She could not have contacted you if this was not meant to happen for your direct benefit (and for hers). The universe set this up. The universe inspired her to wish you happy birthday knowing that you would do the same on her birthday. You're so predictable. So now, what are you going to do. You are going to become an investigator. Why was this set up? You must find out why. Isn't that worth a three-hour drive? You must dig deeper and get to the bottom of this. There is information there. We understand that you have fear about being around her, but that is always going to happen. There will always be fear around every idea. Push through the fear and do what needs to be done. You won't become a vibrational match to all that you want unless you face your irrational fears. You get to do that through this interaction with an old friend. It can't get easier than that.

With our love,