Emma Question #65


Hi Joshua,

In response to your last answer, I can see that I do think 50 steps ahead and it would benefit me to stop doing that. But I don't want to let go of all standards. It's not just about what other people think of me, even if no one knew who I was dating, I still wouldn't want to be with a guy I'm repulsed by or get creepy vibes from. I'd rather be single than do that!! And also, I don't like the idea of asking guys out for coffee or whatever. I want them to ask me. It's quite a strong belief I have now that guys are turned off by girls who do that and this belief has been reflected back to me a few times in my own experiences. But I don't even want to change the belief because I just like the idea of a guy making the first move, it's just what I desire!


Dear Emma,

What are you going to do? Are you going to stick to beliefs that you know are limiting or are you going to allow what you want to come to you? It's up to you. You can play by rules that limit your experience of life and you can say that's what you desire and of course, that is simply resistance. So you've asked for something and then you've created a set of rules (standards) and limiting beliefs (should and shouldn't) and now you've effectively blocked any possibility of what you want from coming to you. This is resistance. Your desires will come to you when you drop your resistance. Your resistance is created out of fear. The fear is irrational.

We are not saying that you should ask a guy out, we are only saying that not asking a guy out because you think that all guys do not like that is a limiting belief. There are guys who would love to be invited to coffee. If you maintain this highly limiting belief, then when you receive the inspiration to ask a certain guy out at a certain time, you will dismiss the idea as wrong because it conflicts with your limiting beliefs. Do you see how this can restrict what can come to you? It's not that you should go around asking out every guy you see, it's that this limiting belief will stop you from acting on an inspiration to ask one guy out. We're only talking about one guy. This limiting belief wipes out any chance of starting a relationship with one specific guy who you will only meet if you ask him out.

Of course, this is a metaphor and there is no one guy (there are lots of them). We are just saying that limiting beliefs are based in irrational fear and are always wrong. They prevent you from taking action when inspired. Gary had a limiting belief that older women were not attractive and so he dated women much younger than himself. He found no success in that approach and so he took time off from dating and he opened up his set of beliefs. When the time was right, he was ready. Lili said something to him and he was inspired to ask her out even though she is eight years older than he is. She is the only woman he has ever dated that is older than he is. They've been together for nearly twenty years and it's all due to both of them dropping some very limiting beliefs and instead focussing on what they wanted.

We are not asking you to accept a creepy guy, but we are asking you to adopt an attitude of curiosity and stop judging books by their covers. Get to know whether someone is really creepy or whether they are simply socially awkward, or more casual in their appearance, or interested in something that you find boring. It is true that you can get what you want. The relationship you truly want will come to you, but you must allow for many possibilities that you cannot see from where you are now. You are a being of love and you will attract a match to who you are being. You will not attract a creep. Be accepting and you will attract one who accepts you. If you can do that, there is nothing more you will ever want.

With our love and appreciation for your rules and standards,
We are Joshua