The last few days I have been thinking a lot about my feelings of insecurity around my perceived lack of charisma. I think it all stems from being a kid, when I was told I was quiet, to shy, or "she doesn't talk". Obviously I do talk, but I just used to be quiet around people I didn't know. Anyway, I saw this as a bad thing and felt bad about it. Like I was supposed to be different to make people happy. So when I'm around people at work just being my quiet self, I feel like they are judging me for not chatting enough to them.
But these past couple of days I have been trying to analyse why this is a false fear. I don't need to control what people think of me. I can't control what people think of me. I don't need to act in a certain way to make people happy or approving of me. The only reason I want their approval is to feel good about myself. Their reaction to me and my perception of this reaction is only ever a reflection of my own beliefs about myself anyway.
Can you speak to me a bit more about this?
PS. I got asked again if I have a boyfriend yet and it really didn't elicit any negative emotion in me at all this time :)
Again, you are exactly right. You entered an environment as a child with the personality of shyness. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. It's just that the people around you wanted you to be different than you were, just so they could feel better. People come into physical reality with many different personality traits just as unique as every other thing. Your personality trait may seem to be shyness or a lack of charisma, but if you wanted to be outgoing and extroverted, you could be. Nothing defines you. You are worthy of anything you want and you can be whoever you want to be. It makes no difference what other people think, because you're making it all up anyway and that is the reflection of how you are feeling.
Is there something beneficial in being outgoing compared to being reserved? Not at all. It's only a different perception of reality. You could be outgoing and chatty if that's what you chose. You could choose to be quiet for the first part of your life and then switch it up for the second part and so on and so forth. It's all dependent on what you want.
However, if you think how you are being now is wrong in some way, you will not like whoever you choose to become. It's never the outside conditions that will make you feel good. You know that you must be at peace and accepting of who you are now and if you want to try out something different, then you can birth a desire for that. Generally, you will maintain who you are and hopefully you can learn to appreciate every one of your traits and features, because who you are is who you intended to be. But now that you are here, you can be whoever you choose to be from this point on. If you want to be something different because you do not like who you are now, that will be like paddling upstream. If you accept who you are now and then imagine that it might be fun to try out a new version of you, then all you have to do is turn the boat around and start floating gently downstream and you will become whoever you want to become.
Everything you want is downstream because that is easy and natural. Nothing you want is upstream because that is simply your attempt to escape the waterfall that you imagine is downstream. There is no waterfall downstream. Everything you want is downstream. All you have to do is give up resistance to who you are and start being who you are as fully as you can because who you are is the most wonderful person in the world You will evolve, but you can never be better than you are now. You will simply be the evolved version of you and that will always be wonderful.
With our complete love for who you are,
We are Joshua