Emma Question #37


Hi Joshua,

I am finding myself getting a lot of juice out of this snapchat guy situation. It brings up a lot of insecurities for me to address! Whenever I sense any slight rejection, I can feel myself wanting to close off. To go cold and retreat, to protect my ego. But I am noticing this now and trying to stay open and loving!

The thing with this guy is, he went to my school and I perceive him as "popular". So I am really enjoying getting attention from him. But I have noticed I have been seeing myself as below him and not good enough, not cool enough, etc. So this is really challenging me to tell a better story! One where I am equal to everyone and completely worthy of this guy's attention!


Dear Emma,

We see that you have a habit, just as many people do, of comparing yourself to others. It is interesting to note that the comparison is based on your unique perception of reality and is not accurate. It can never be accurate because the information you have to make the comparison is not sufficient enough. You do not have enough data. Therefore, your judgment of your comparison to this guy is always going to be flawed. You do not really know what's going on, but the illusion is that you have enough information to make an accurate comparison.

Unless you have enough information, you cannot rely on your judgment of this or almost all situations where you are comparing yourself to anyone else. Here's the reality of the situation. Your snapchat guy is actually quite nervous and insecure. The perception that he is confident and successful is a true one except that he doesn't feel that way very often. He is more insecure than he seems and he does things to try to bolster his insecurities which make him appear more secure. It is not a bad game at all and what he is trying to do is tell an empowering story too.

Think of all people as you would an iceberg. You see only the tip, but the majority of the person is concealed. You can never really know what's going on inside the mind of anyone. You don't know what they are thinking. You can't know how they are perceiving reality. You don't know enough about their trajectory. Most people aren't even thinking about these things themselves. What you are comparing yourself to is unknown by you. It's a lot like comparing two books based on their covers alone.

When you compare yourself favorably to another, you might be looking at the negative aspects of that person and so it makes you feel superior. This is not accurate either and it isn't an empowering way to perceive them. When you look at someone and compare yourself unfavorably to them, you are looking at their positive aspects and perceiving yourself to be inadequate by comparison. Again, this is not an empowering story. Either way, you don't gain anything.

Here's what we would do:

Drop your comparison to others by recognizing that you do not have sufficient information. When someone, like this guy seems to be above you or too good for you, you must tell yourself another story. You must say something like this: "I like this guy. He seems very attractive to me. If he is in my reality, he is a vibrational match to me on some level. I am a worthy and unique being and I can attract whatever I am a match to. I choose to be a vibrational match to an attractive, witty, romantic, thoughtful guy who is interested in life. If this guy has those qualities, then I am a match to him and that is all there is to it. If he does not have these qualities, then I am not a match to him in a romantic way. I am a match to him in ways that align with other things I want, but if he is to be romantically involved with me, he must have those other qualities and traits. Therefore, there is nothing for me to do other than act when inspired to act without fear and allow the universe to bring me that which I desire in the most elegant manner possible. If it's him that's great, but if it's someone else, then that is also wonderful."

The universe knows what you want. The universe knows every detail of who you are and the full extent of your beliefs, attitude, interests, thoughts, feelings, fears, and approach to life. You do not fully understand yourself compared to how the universe understands you. You cannot go out and get what you want because you also do not have all the information. You might know what you think you want, but you can't really know the best way to get it. When you can relax, understand that you are absolutely worthy to receive all that you want, know that everything you're asking for is coming to you, be receptive and allowing, and feel good enough of the time to receive inspiration when it comes and then act on that inspiration by pushing past irrational fear, then you will receive that which you truly desire rather than that which you think will make you feel good.

Do not think too far ahead. Here is a fun guy in your reality right now. He exists in your universe. He is a match to you in some way, but you cannot know how. If you attach yourself to some outcome that you think you want, you might get something other than what you truly want. Let the universe do its work. All you have to do is stay present, remain focused, and have as much fun as you can with all of it. There's nothing serious going on. You cannot be embarrassed when you express your acceptance of others or yourself. When you act out of love (fun, adventure, silliness, interest, etc.) your actions will always lead to your highest good.

When you feel a twinge of fear that arises from your comparison or your judgment of how things should go, remind yourself that things will evolve as they should and release your attachment to some speculative outcome. We understand that your desire is strong, yet we also know that you are in a transitional period right now. You are becoming an enlightened human. You are awakening to a new perspective of reality. Your vibration is raising. You are evolving quickly. You will not see things the same way you are seeing them now. Your perspective is being elevated.

The basic design of physical reality is one that yields to all of your desires, no matter what they are. You have the ability to make things happen, but when you do that, you do so without all the information you need. However, you can receive all that you want just by entering a state of allowing. In this state you perceive your world differently. You see how things are working out. You are aware of little coincidences. You are not attached to specific outcomes. You allow things to flow in and out of your life easily because you have faith that it's all working out. Things become easy. All you are ever doing is being present in the moment, creating an environment of ease, focusing on feeling good, waiting for inspiration to strike, and enjoying all the things that come into your life from a blissful state of nonresistance and absence of irrational fear.

That was the best paragraph we've ever written and you are our inspiration.

With love from up here and over there and right here,
We are Joshua