Hi Joshua,
I have been trying to think of something specific to ask you today, and have decided on the topic of my mother. As I was driving over to my parents house tonight, I was dreading the thought of her asking me if I have done my clothes washing yet, as I haven't, and I feel like she always judges me for being "lazy". So sure enough, when I got there she said "what have you been up to today Emma? Did you get your washing done?". I got angry and replied "out of all the things you could ask me about my life, why do you ask me if I've done my washing? Stop asking me that every time I see you.". Now I am annoyed at myself for getting triggered by her like that. I know by me asking her to stop asking me that, I am demanding that she behaves in a certain way in order for me to feel better. But I know I shouldn't ask outside things to change in order to make me feel better and I must feel better first myself. So what can I do to stop being so reactive and defensive around my mother and become more of an allower?
Thanks,
Emma
Dear Emma,
You have half the battle won. Isn't it funny we use the word "battle?" It's not a battle at all, but you know what we mean. You understand more about how the universe operates and this is a wonderful thing.You are right on the verge of completely changing your life. You are moving from fear to love. Now, how could you incorporate love? It is all a matter of perspective.
You have the illusion that your mother has some sort of power to create in your reality. She does not. She is simply a reflection of your thoughts about yourself. You are doing all the creating. You are the one who thinks you are lazy for not doing the washing. All she is doing is reflecting how you feel about yourself. She is not acting like an overbearing mother; you are. You are your own mother. Imagine that?
Your mother has absolutely no power to create in your reality. No one does. But they all will reflect back to you how you feel about yourself and the world around you. The reason you get upset is that you know how you feel, yet you do not want to confront it. You prefer to let others do it as if it's a secret. You could even lie to them, but not to yourself. This is an excellent example and now you can learn how to deal with situations like these before they happen.
You felt guilty for not doing the wash. You felt lazy. It is all false. It is all based on your own false persona. You think that a good person should not be lazy, but that is simply not true. It does not matter what you do or how you behave, you are good anyway. You cannot possibly act in a way that is good enough to keep their approval coming so you might as well give that up. No longer will you answer to anyone, not even yourself. You must get the ship headed in the direction of what you want regardless of how others may judge you. You are the only one who matters.
Of course, you still care about their opinions because their opinions are reflections of your opinions of yourself. So how do you solve this? You begin to accept yourself as you are unconditionally. You are perfect as you are and you are evolving every day. Therefore, no one can say or think anything bad of you. It doesn't matter as long as you unconditionally accept yourself as you are, as perfect in this present moment.
Do you realize you are perfect? You are. That is a fact. You are perfect as you are in this moment and you are evolving, which means that in every subsequent moment, you are improving. But in this moment you are the highest evolution of you and that representation is perfect. There's nothing you need to fix ever.
You are not lazy, you are perfect. You are not anything but perfect. You cannot be less than what you are now and that is perfect. Your vibration is rising and you are evolving. You are becoming more and more aware, but you are perfect now. Realize this fact before moving on.
Your mother (and everyone else) is perfect also. You would not want your mother to be different than she is because she is a vibrational match to you. You are eternally linked. You think this role of mother and daughter is meaningful, but you are vibrating at a higher level. All children are. You are the higher vibrational being. You are in fact the mother, not her. She is the child. You have a perspective that she does not. You have an awareness that she does not. In other lives you've played many different roles and you are eternally linked. You can never lose her. You will always be a vibrational match.
So then, when she calls you lazy, you feel negative emotion because you believe her. It's just what you were thinking. You feel fear and you want her to be different so that you can feel better. The fear is irrational because you are not lazy and even if you were, it does not define you. You are worthy and perfect, so being lazy would be perfect for you as well. You see, you choose everything based on the specific topic you want to explore in this incarnation as Emma.
In the future, when you get thoughts like these before seeing your mother, you will prepave the situation by stating some affirmations and setting your intentions. On the drive over you will say the following: "I am a limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. I am perfect as I am and evolving everyday. I am not lazy (or whatever), I simply have different preferences and priorities. I know that my mother is a reflection of my feelings and I appreciate her for bringing up all those little fears to the surface so that I can identify them and resolve them. For that I am very grateful. I love my mother and I know that we are eternally linked. I intend to see her as who she really is and accept her as perfect as I accept myself in this moment as perfect."
Pre-paving how you want to feel in any given moment is simply the act of choosing the higher perspective prior to the event. Practice this technique and you won't believe how smoothly everything will go.
With our love,
We are Joshua
