Emma Question #14


Hi Joshua,

Today I have been thinking about why I don't feel good when I receive messages off guys who I believe are below my standards. I think it is because I don't like what it is reflecting back to me; what it means. I believe I am a high quality girl (or maybe I want to believe that) so I believe I deserve high quality guys messaging me. I like the idea of being with a high quality, well-liked guy. Then I would be like "see! I am good!". It's like I want all the other well-liked people in the world to accept me.

I would like how being with a guy like this reflects on me. But then I look at my current reality and see no high quality guys giving me attention, and I only have low quality guys interested in me. I don't like how that reflects on me. And it makes me feel frustrated and angry. I feel like I deserve better, but when I see this is all I am getting, maybe there is a part of me that is scared that I really am only worthy of these low quality guys? Maybe I really am not good enough? I also find myself stalking social media pages of guys who I liked and had some sort of connection with, but then they rejected me. It's like I just really crave validation from them. So obviously I know all of this is based in limited, fearful perspectives, but I'm really not sure how to heal this sort of pattern I've got going on?


Dear Emma,

You are a high quality person, right? You are worthy, are you not? You are unique. You chose to come to this reality and expand through experience joyfully. All others came to do the same thing. All others are equally worthy and unique. No one is more or less worthy than you. All are equal.

What you deem as low quality and high quality has to do with what these people came here to explore and how they are either resisting or allowing well-being to flow. No one is inherently low or high in quality. All are equally good and worthy. All you are doing is choosing preferences.

You believe that being with a low quality guy reflects poorly on you, but it does not. You believe that being with a high quality guy reflects well on you, but it does not. You are already good and worthy and high quality and no one else can reflect anything on you. How other people view you is unique to them and it has to do with their perception of reality and nothing to do with you. So why not give all that up? Unless you can feel worthy of anything you desire, your reality will reflect back to you how you feel about yourself. As soon as you give up caring what others think about you, you will start to feel a lot better about yourself, you'll gain confidence and your new beliefs about yourself will create a new vibration and thus your reality will shift.

It is this game that you play trying to climb up the relationship ladder so that you can feel good about yourself. You are looking for validation in the outside world, but all you will ever see is evidence of how you feel about yourself. No matter what kind of high quality guy you snare, your reality will always reflect back how you truly feel about yourself. If you entered a relationship with a guy like this in your present state, he would make you feel unworthy of him and that would be no fun at all.

The ironic thing is that a low quality guy would make you feel better. Therefore, you cannot enter into a relationship with either a low quality guy or a high quality guy. The low quality guy would do things to make you feel good but because he is low quality, you can not feel good. The high quality guy would do things to make you feel bad in comparison. You are stuck in a state of flux.

Your only option is to remove these arbitrary and meaningless standards from your thought process. Believe that all people are good and worthy. Choose among them those with the qualities you admire, not with how they will make you look or feel. Feel good first and then allow for whatever happens next. This is the only way to secure a real relationship with the person who will make you feel how you already feel.

If you feel insecure, you will meet someone who might look good on the outside, but who will make you feel insecure. You receive that which you are emitting. Be confident and secure and whoever you meet will make you feel confident and secure. Practice the feeling of what you want and then watch how the universe brings you more things to make you feel more of that practiced feeling. Practice the feeling of unworthiness and the universe will create a reality where you simply feel even more unworthy.

It has nothing to do with the people in your life or with the outside conditions of your present reality, it all has to do with how you feel about yourself.

With Love,