Dear Joshua,
On the subject of self-confidence and worthiness, I would like to discuss the issue of relationships with people who seem intimidating to us, for one reason or another.
I currently have a situation in my job where I need to do an interview with one of the senior leaders of the company, to write features for magazines. I am used to dealing with other executive board members in the company, and have been quite successful, so I don't really have any fears about that hierarchical aspect. I have never had the chance to meet with this particular lady face to face. Our interactions have been mainly by emails so far. Her career and achievements are pretty impressive, and, from all I know, she seems a very decent and nice individual.
I have observed, however, that she always reviews everything very thoroughly and questions every little detail she has any doubt or a differing opinion about, often rightly so as well. I know I need to arrange a face to face talk with her to do this interview but I realise I keep postponing it because I never feel ready. I keep telling myself that I am equal, and that I am as worthy, etc., but I can still feel in my guts that there are still fears of not being up to the job and feeling inadequate. Procrastinating with arranging the meeting is also adding to my fears, but I feel like I need to align my energy first, and then trust that the timing will be perfect. Or should I just overcome my fears, and go for it?
I have a sense that this is an opportunity to overcome some fears about worthiness for me, and to expand, but I am not sure how I should best approach it.
What perspective would you adopt and what would you do if you were in my physical shoes?
With love,
Arnaud
Dear Arnaud,
Imagine that you are going to an amusement park. You buy your ticket and enter midmorning. There are people already in the park, and there will be people coming to the amusement park later in the day. You are not inferior to those people who are already in the park. You are not superior to those who will be coming later. It doesn't matter how many rides you have ridden or which rides you like. Everyone in the amusement park is equal because everyone has bought their ticket and so they deserve to be there.
Just because this woman has a senior position or makes more money, doesn't make her superior to you. As you are aware, she is equal. So then, what's the fear. If the fear is not the intimidation factor, you must dig a little deeper. You fear scrutiny because you define yourself by your role. You believe yourself to be a good writer and this helps you feel worthy. But you are not a good writer. You are not a good anything. You are simply good. If you were the president of the company or the the lowliest intern, you would be just as good. All you are doing is defining yourself by your perceived abilities. If those abilities get challenged, as she reviews your work, then you lose your identity. That's a lot of pressure and this create stress.
You fear loss. Loss of status. Loss of identity. Loss of the excuse to feel worthy. You might even lose your job. Then what would you do? How would you define yourself then? We are here to say that the loss of your job might be the best thing that could happen for you. It would then strip you of your make-believe identity. It would take away a feeble excuse to feel worthy. You are worthy. Act like it and stop worrying about others finding out that you are not worthy. Your fear of unworthiness leads to a lack of confidence, which creates the feeling of unworthiness. It's a cycle.
Yes, come into alignment first and then reach for an idea. You will receive a message. It might be an inspired idea. Pursue that idea immediately. Do whatever you are inspired to do. Fear will come up, but you know how to process your fears. What is the worst that can happen? She will make corrections to your article. Good. Let her. What do you care? It has nothing to do with your self-identification, it has to do with her desire to feel worthy herself.
The humorous aspect of this story is that this woman is dealing with her own fears of being discovered as unworthy. Her terrible feelings of unworthiness drove her to prove her worthiness by attaining success as perceived by your society. It is not true. It is a false feeling. She must scrutinize every detail to protect herself from the possibility of being discovered as a fraud. She is pretending she is good and maintaining a highly stressed existence from fear of unworthiness. If she felt worthy, she would not give a damn what you wrote in the article. She would be focused on her passion.
Do not let others fool you. When you look at the reality of other people who seem successful, there are those who become the image of success to overcome feelings of unworthiness. Then there are those who feel worthy and simply do whatever they are inspired to do. The first group alleviates their fear of unworthiness through the attainment of social status. The second group processes their fears a bit easier because they are enjoying what they are doing and they don't let their fears limit their pursuit of their interests and passions.
You understand your own feelings of unworthiness, but you are now choosing to see yourself from a higher perspective. You are beginning to realize that you are more magnificent than you had previously imagined and that you are worthy of love and acceptance because you are a being of love. You need not try to pretend you are something you are not. If you are interested in writing, then write what you want in your own style. Write what you are inspired to write. If she tears it up and asks you to start over, accept that she feels fear and she wants to control her fear through altering your article. You cannot imagine what she will accept, so stop caring and write what you are inspired to write. Sit down, ask the questions you want to know, and let her talk. Pretend she is someone you are interested in on a spiritual level and know for sure that The Law of Attraction has brought you together.
Write what you are inspired to write. Know that she will never accept anything you write. Do not be attached to what you write. Do not take it personally when she rips it apart. Understand that it is much easier to edit than to create the original article. All she wants is something to edit. She could not possibly feel comfortable with anything unless she adds her ideas to it. That's how she proves to herself she is worthy. This is the game she plays with herself. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. It is her own feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. You can help her by maintaining your alignment, confidence, and faith that the universe knows what it's doing.
With our love,
We are Joshua
