Dear Joshua,
OK - so all we are doing is feeling something! I understand those words and most of the time I can really comprehend, sense it.
But...
Then life happens. And relationship stuff spell out stuff.
And then "mirror" comes to mind. And every thought or complaint brings up "What the Heck?"
Just now: packing for a weekend. I pull out my favorite, just right size bag. For some reason I get... "why that bag? Why not the bag I like? The one I bought you? It's perfect."
Perfect for who? Really? And so I'm in a mood now that isn't comfy, joyful. It's defensive. Complaining. And - pissed so "fine, I'll use YOUR bag."
And really it doesn't matter. But this comes after hours of him telling me what he wants me to do or when to do it or how to do it. In general, he's allowing, but it's gotten out of hand. And I realize that I'm noticing it - and thus - focus brings more of it. I get that.
But ...
So I think he's Bossy. Is that me?
And if it is - then how do I change that. I do not want to be bossy and I do NOT want to be bossed.
Help!
Thank you,
Allyson
Dear Allyson,
If you do not want to be bossed, then do not be bossed. You do not have to be bossy, to not be bossed. Simply choose to do what makes you feel good and forget what the other person is saying or doing. You can be empathetic and compassionate, but there's no need to be fooled by irrational fear.
You don't care about the bag, you care about how you feel. You don't care about being bossed, you care about being harmonious and loving. You don't really care about him. You really care about how he makes you feel. You are not taking responsibility for how you feel, because you are playing this game of manipulation and control. You want to love him when he is being good and he allows you to feel good and you want him to be different than he is when he is being bossy. You are simply choosing your feelings based on the conditions. You are reacting to conditions. You are playing the game backwards.
You are meant to feel something and the conditions will form around that feeling. What you are doing now is simply reacting to the conditions. If the conditions are good, then you will feel good and when they are not to your liking, you will choose to take a limited perspective and come out of alignment. This will cause your inner self to send you a message in the form of negative emotion. The message is that you are being in a way that will never, ever get you what you want.
It is only up to one person to control how you feel and that is YOU! You are responsible for how you feel. You can feel good no matter what. When he asks you a simple question about a bag, you choose to take a limited perspective when you could just as easily take a higher perspective. You perceive fear. You perceive danger. You perceive that this person can rob you of your independence and freedom. That is an irrational fear. That can never happen because you are in total control of your reality. You already know this but we find joy in reminding you.
So you get angry at him for making you feel bad. Really? It's his fault how you feel? You can't choose your own perspective? You have no control over that? We think that if you could stop time in that moment and take a step back to think about why this manifestation event is occurring, you could analyze your fear. You might say, "I fear that he is trying to control me. I do not like being controlled. Why not? Because I have a fear that I will lose something like independence or freedom. Is this a rational fear? No. Why not? Because I create my own reality and no one else can ever create in my reality. What else? I have the power and the ability to choose the higher perspective and I can see that this event is occurring for me. Why would the thought come to me to choose a bag other than the bag he bought? For this exact event to occur and to give me the insight into how I am being. If I fear a lack of freedom in this relationship, then I am not going to get what I want. I must get over this irrational fear once and for all!"
That is how you analyze and process the fear that arises from all manifestation events. Get good at doing this and you will lower the intensity of the limiting beliefs that are holding you apart from all that you want. Stop blaming him for how you feel. You control how you feel, not anyone else. When you feel negative emotion, it's a manifestation event. It is now time to analyze the fear that causes these events.
With our love,
We are Joshua
