Dear Joshua,

After a month of just awfulness between Justin & I in our relationship, manifestation event after manifestation event… It was an awful holiday where we did not get along very well. I have finally, after a great drama that he caused on the airplane & airport, decided that I must must walk away to protect myself & my children.

I accept I cannot help him, he has to help himself, and my trying has only caused much pain on my part. The dramas & negative baggage he carries, has had an effect on me over time, pulling me away from creating positive energy through my yoga teaching, etc. I have been consumed by our relationship & now I see I just need continue on the path that I know makes me happy, that is to keep pursuing my yoga dreams, to stay on this positive path and to keep working on myself. Justin & his dramas sucked my energy so that I was back into this “survival state” rather than that of which I am “creating”. The yoga & meditation became a tool to protect myself, rather than something that I could share with others.

I see it all now.

My question to you is, since my return – we have had limited communication & not seen each other. I have been feeling good and able to focus my mind back on what I want, rather than his bullshit.

He has been up & down with how to move forward with “us”. I maintained that a lot of work needs to be done on his part – for us to ever work or see each other again. Yesterday he became very abusive again in his fear state & said some truly nasty untrue things to me, which made me react and I became very angry with him and told him this is the last time we will ever speak.

Since then, I have blocked all his email accounts, his numbers, etc. so I cannot receive any abuse from him that might affect me negatively. I am doing this to protect myself…. but I realise that by doing these things I am not “allowing” & definitely trying to “control”.

I am wondering if I should unblock & allow communication if he contacts…but I am also not sure if I am strong enough to keep saying no to him, if/when he comes groveling back (as he does every time).

I feel I don’t know what is the best route to take. If I felt strong enough to not be affected by anything he sends me, and not react, then I certainly wouldn’t have blocked… but I know controlling doesn’t work either!

Lost.com!!
Thank you,
Tistrya

Dear Tistrya,

In all things, be guided by what feels good. Yoga feels good. Teaching feels good. Love feels good. Trying to make things work when they are not working does not feel good. You have expanded through this relationship and that is wonderful. You are now at a new level. You have witnessed the dynamics of a relationship that does not work. You were attracted by what you thought could be security. You did not feel secure being alone and single and so you thought this relationship might provide the security you crave. You did not feel worthy of another man’s love after coming out of a divorce and so you thought that this relationship would make you feel worthy of love. However, in being insecure and feeling unworthy, you simply attracted an even more insecure relationship. You need not rely on anyone else for your security or worthiness. You have all the security you need because you have great gifts to offer the world and you are worthy of the true love you desire.

Yes, what you wanted was not to be found in this relationship, but because you wanted it so much, you tried to make it work. You tried to control the conditions and so did Justin. However, since you were both a match to things you feared about yourself, each of you brought out the fear in the other. This relationship was the promise of security and validation, but because these things cannot be presented in your conditions (because they must come from within), it just brought up more fear.

Imagine feeling insecure. You do not know how you will make enough money, how you will be able to do all the things you want to do, or how to have all the things you want to have. Your insecurity stems from a feeling of unworthiness, which is quite common, especially after a divorce. You are not alone in this. Then you meet someone who seems able to provide you with that which you feel is missing: security. You want to feel secure and you rely on him (an outside condition) to make you feel something you do not already feel. This violates all the laws of the universe and in order to expose this limiting belief (that security can be found outside yourself) you attracted Justin, someone who would make you feel even more insecure and unworthy. This relationship was brought forth so that you could finally see that your security is never dependent on a man, on a relationship, or on anyone other than you. You are in charge of your own security and this is accomplished by realizing that you are worthy and that you are fully supported by a loving and generous universe. The perception of insecurity and unwornthiness is an illusion caused by fear.

You want security. You want to feel worthy and you attract Justin who makes you feel unworthy and insecure. If only he could be the man you want him to be, then you would feel what you want to feel. But it isn’t him, it’s you. He cannot make you feel something you do not already feel. No one can. Everyone is simply a mirror to how you feel. If you want others to reflect your own worthiness, you must feel worthy and secure first. This is the only thing that will ever work in an attractive universe.

Justin could be completely different than he is now. He could absolutely treat you like a princess and do everything you want him to do. But one day, he will do something and you will interpret it to mean that you are not worthy and are not secure. It could be completely innocent on his part, but from your perspective of unworthiness, you will interpret it to mean that he thinks you are unworthy. You will dip into a very low emotional state because you feel that there is evidence that proves he thinks you are unworthy of his love. However, it has nothing to do with him or reality. It is from your perspective that you believe that his innocent action proves he thinks you are unworthy and you react to how you feel by acting on urges to change him.

Yes, this relationship is over. You have had all the experience you need. It can never work given your feelings of unworthiness and his feelings of unworthiness. Any urge to contact him is simply formed out of fear of unworthiness and insecurity. You might perceive that when he grovels, he is showing you that he believes you are worthy of his love. What he is really doing is asking you to show him that he is worthy of your love. You are the condition he is trying to control to make him feel worthy. But since he doesn’t feel worthy now, you can do nothing but be a mirror to his feelings of unworthiness.

Do you see that now? You could be the nicest person in the world showering him with love and affection and showing him that you feel he is worthy of your love. But one day you will innocently say something and he will interpret it as an indication that you do not feel he is worthy of your love. He will sink to a very low emotional state and he will act on urges to change you back to one who thinks he is worthy. His fear causes him to say and do things to make you wrong so that he can continue to feel worthy himself.

Unless you find a way to feel your own worthiness, you will continue to attract men who make you feel unworthy. They will attract you as well. You must find a way to feel worthy before you find another mate. Only look inside to feel worthiness and never in the eyes of others for they cannot make you feel what you do not already feel. They are simply mirrors and a mirror cannot reflect back an image that does not already exist.

With our love,
We are Joshua

Dear Joshua,

If I keep vibrating a certain quality or feeling and it keeps appearing through mates that are like my father, same qualities etc.. Is it possible it is my father who keeps coming back through these mates? Can those who have croaked come back over and over again?

I understand you either attract people because you feel that way or you Definitely don’t want anyone like that in your world The later resonates with me.

Thanks,
Trisha

Dear Trisha,

You have asked a question that will help many, many people and we want to address the entirety of your question as well as the individual parts. First, you wonder if you are attracting people like your father because your father is coming back to this reality in another incarnation. While he may come back if he wishes to do so and he may even interact with you in some regard, he has not come back in that way and would not do so. This would be too confusing for you and he is aware of that.

We will start by saying that everyone you know or have known in this physical reality you also know in the nonphysical. You interact there and here. You make plans for there and here. You love and adore each other in the nonphysical and you come together in this reality to explore various aspects of your relationship just for the fun of doing so. At times you may not think it’s fun here, but you will definitely have a laugh about it from your nonphysical perspective.

You are not attracting your father as a mate but you see certain aspects of your father in the mates you choose. Let’s see if we can bring that into clarity for you. Imagine the personality of your father and how that personality carried forth into the nonphysical after his transition. In physical form he was love, appreciation, tender, hard working, supportive of his family, caring, and many other wonderful qualities and these are the aspects of his personality that he carried with him to the nonphysical. In his physical body he also carried some traits that were in the form of human baggage. He might have been insecure, fearful or worried. He might have been defensive or overly protective. He might have been angry or disappointed. These traits did not follow him into the nonphysical.

So when you are thinking that your mate has some qualities of your father are you thinking of the loving aspects or the fearful aspects? You get to choose. There is only one person in this world you need to love. It is not a mate or a parent, it is you. You must learn to love yourself and from that standpoint of self-love and selfappreciation, you will attract one who sees in you what you see in yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract someone who sees what you see. If you are insecure about your love for yourself, you will find someone who is insecure in your love for them. Until you change how you feel about yourself, you cannot attract anyone, friends or lovers, who see you for more than you see yourself. Love yourself first. Really own it and mean it. Do not love yourself in order to get someone who will also love you, love yourself regardless of what happens.

So how does one come to love themselves. It is simply a matter of realization that who you are is perfect in this moment. We see your perfection and you must come, over time, to see it as well. You are perfect whether you think you are or not. We use the term “perfect” rather than good or worthy because we want there to be no levels in this meaning. When we say worthy or good you can compare yourself to another and believe yourself to be more or less worthy or good than another. In this case you are perfect and there is no room for improvement. All others are perfect just where they are as well. There is nothing you can do to become better for you are perfect as you are.

You can’t be better and then start to love yourself. You can’t be more beautiful, successful, confident, smarter, more spiritually evolved and then love yourself. You must love yourself unconditionally now, as you are and the side effect will be those other things.

Don’t ever compare yourself to others, only compare you to you. Look at who you are now and see the progress from who you were. See your own evolution and see how< much you’ve grown. The you that you are now is ready for you to love yourself. Until you do, no relationship can manifest in the way you want it to.

Are you starting to understand how this all works? Can you see that the mates you attracted were not like your father; they were like you. They loved you in the exact way you loved yourself. They treated you how you treated yourself. They will always think of you in the exact way you think of yourself. They will always, always be a reflection of who you are being.

Your true desire is to be who you really are. Once you do that, you will attract a mate who sees the best in you. They will love you unconditionally because you love yourself unconditionally. It will not be possible for them to love you in any other way. However, if you continue to love yourself conditionally, it will not be possible for a new mate to love you any other way. Your mates will always be a mirror to who you are being. This is the law of the universe and it cannot be any other way.

Fortunately for you, you understand the mechanism of physical reality better than almost anyone you know. You understand more about this stuff than 99% of humanity. You have the tools and the desire to create your own reality. But it’s an inside job. Meditate, appreciate, and learn to love yourself unconditionally. Don’t dream about the mate, don’t hold on to a picture of what a happy relationship looks like. Forget all that stuff. Work on how you feel about yourself and everything will come from there.

It is simple to imagine and become who you really are. You accomplish it in stages.

Stage One: Understand that who you really are is who you would be in the nonphysical. Just as the personality of your father left behind the fearful aspects of his nature when he transitioned to the nonphysical, you must look at those aspects of your personality that you will leave behind when you make your transition. Any though or behavior that stems from love will be carried forth to the nonphysical and any thought or behavior that stems from fear will be left behind.

Stage Two: Act like the highest version of yourself now. Do not fear, only love. Do not protect yourself for that is a stance of fear. You cannot be harmed by words so stop living life by any other standards than your own.

Stage Three: Go inside. Spend time meditating. Communicate with your inner self. Speak to your guides. Imagine yourself as perfect, strong and courageous.

Step Four: Look for signs of growth and development. When something happens that you don’t like, look at it and see the message, the lesson, the new understanding that comes from it and appreciate it. We’re talking about all events, large and small. If someone honks their horn at you or gives you a rude comment, don’t react in the old ways. Look for the message!

Step Five: Focus on the aspects of your life that are going well.

Step Six: Compare the now you to the old you and see how far you’ve come. Never compare yourself, or your situation to another; compare you to you.

Step Seven: Believe, believe, believe. Believe that all things are coming to you because they are meant to come in order for you to expand. Believe that everything that comes to you is right and is part of the journey and the process. Believe in the power of your mind and your abilities. You are more powerful than you know. You are doing better than you think. Come to terms with the you that is and love every aspect that is you now in this moment and in the next and the next.

You are loved more than you can imagine. You are never alone. We see your amazing perfection. It’s time for you to see what we see.

Love,
Joshua