Dear Joshua,
I am having a rough day. I went horseback riding this morning and once I got there I really enjoyed it. I had to talk myself into going and my one year old car even died yesterday to give me an excuse not to go, but I went anyway and I enjoyed it. I plan to make it a regular activity, so that is good.
I don't understand why ~ when I think there's something missing that I want ~ for instance the boys not being around or I want to do something special for myself like go horseback riding and then I go horseback riding or the boys do come home and I still have this empty feeling. I have this empty feeling today. I guess it's empty. I'm not exactly sure what it is I am feeling. All I know is that I have spent the day going in and out of emotions (they must be negative because they don't feel good) sometimes to the point of feeling sick to my stomach.
I get this is a transition period for me. Am I just supposed to cry if I feel like crying and let it out? Is this the process I chose to go through to get to where I want to go? I know I can go and do whatever I want to do ~ I don't feel like doing much of anything ~ except eat ~ stuff the feelings down. I am doing my best NOT to eat, instead to feel these emotions and let them work their way through me. I took my dog for a walk down by the beach, so that helped.
Why does this have to be so difficult?
With Love and Gratitude
~ Wendy
Dear Wendy,
It doesn't have to be difficult, you're just trying to drive the car from the backseat while the chauffeur has a firm grip on the wheel. He's not letting go and he's a bit bigger than you. Why not sit back and relax? Look out the window and watch the pretty scenery go by. Don't worry if he takes a detour or goes the long way. You'll get there soon enough.
You are attached to a specific outcome, however, you are on the road to self-discovery. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The journey is the pot of gold. You think "If my boys come, then I will feel good. If I go horseback riding, then I will feel good. If this happens, then finally I will feel good." Oops. That's not the way it works. This is an attractive universe. You feel good then everything you want comes to you. That's right, feel good first.
How do you feel good first? By noticing that there's nothing wrong. By not looking for something outside yourself to solve your problems. By realizing that you have no problems. Not just comparing your life to someone else's and noticing that you have it better and so your problems are not such a big deal, but by actually realizing that your problems are not problems, they are messages. The message is "Change your approach to life once and for all."
We say "go and ride a horse," and you ride a horse. The horse is not the solution, it's a step in your evolution. There is no solution, it's all evolution. You ride the horse and expect a miracle to happen. The miracle did happen, you just missed it because you were attached to a specific outcome. When the outcome did not happen, you felt disappointment and dropped into a low emotional state of being. Cry if you want, but you must trust that everything is happening for you. This experience is a giant leap foreword if you can get the idea that you are trying to control the situation by your attachment to specific outcomes. You are not gaining the vibration-raising effects of experiences like these because you think the outcome should be different than it is.
When you have an inspiration to do something, you believe that the act itself will be a problem solver or some solution. If the outcome is different than what you held in your imagination, you view it as a failure and so you never try anything again. You are grabbing at the steering wheel. Let it go.
You can help yourself release attachments by pre-paving your path before doing any action. Set the following intention: "I am going to do this thing today. I intend to have fun. I intend to be conscious and aware. I intend for the people around me to have a good time also. I intend to receive that which I need, but I will not become attached to any specific outcome for I am aware that my perspective is limited and whatever happens will be for my highest good."
If you can do that, then you will place yourself in a state of allowing and you will receive the best that any event or action has to offer. With our love and appreciation,
We are Joshua
