Dear Joshua,
I have a theme occurring with my 2 jobs where my bosses have stated that they really don't know exactly what is keeping me so busy all the time and honestly, since I really hate writing things like status reports, after a week or so, I also don't remember what has kept me so busy, even though I am! My perspective is to just get stuff done and as long as things move along, I shouldn't have to inform my superiors of what I do even though I do want general credit for keeping things humming along nicely. So, I get a little upset when I get the impression that they don't appreciate all that I'm doing, yet I'm very repelled by the thought of tracking everything I do and reporting it to them. Is this just a simple matter where I'm crosswise to a belief? Or is this occurring in my life for another reason?
Thanks!
Steve
Dear Steve,
What you are feeling about yourself is revealed to you by what appears in your physical reality. How you perceive the actions, beliefs, opinions, and even the looks of others is just a reflection of how you are generally feeling about yourself. In this case you have noticed that your bosses don't know what you're doing with your time. Is this an accurate reflection of their beliefs about you, or is it an accurate reflection of your feelings of being unappreciated?
If you felt truly worthy, powerful, and completely competent in your position, you would not notice that your bosses are wondering what you're doing with your time. They wouldn't say anything to you about it. Even if they did, you wouldn't hear it that way. You would take their comments, whatever they were, in a much more positive interpretation. If they came to you and said "What are you doing with your time?" you would reply "I know what you mean. I'm so productive it's amazing!" Whether you were productive or not, your feeling that you were is all that really matters.
It sounds like what we are saying is that you need to be more delusional. To a point that's exactly what we're saying. It's simply because your belief creates most of your reality. If you felt that you were doing a great job and fully capable of everything both jobs entail, you would be given feedback that reinforced those beliefs. Yet, would you really be that productive or would it just seem to you that you were being productive? Does it even matter? It just goes to show that everything is in the eye of the beholder.
However, you are quite good a seeing the "reality" of the situation. Which simply means that fear and doubt cause you to believe or imagine that you are less than perfect. You are constantly looking for signs of disapproval. You notice the tiniest little negativity in anyone's view of you. You are constantly on guard. This has been your approach to life for a long time and there is great momentum within it.
So then, how will you come to feel that you are adequately capable in these two positions? How will you deal with your fear? How will you start feeling better? There are things you can do that might make you feel better about your abilities and performance in these jobs. Maybe status reports might help. Maybe more communication might be appropriate. We ask, why are you resisting the obvious? When you chronicle your achievements, you can't help but feel better.
There is another belief that hinders you in this area. You believe that you should not have to list all of your activities. You feel that you're busy enough without having another chore to do. Things are going along smoothly and your bosses' opinions about how busy you are should not interfere with your job. They should not be asking you about your time. They should recognize that you're doing a good job. You should not have to prove anything to them.
Your flawed belief is that they should be different than they are. They are perfect in their reflection of your own personal feelings. They are here to help you move to the next level. They should not be different, you should. Whenever you want someone to be different than they are, and you feel negative emotion, it is your indication of resistance to what is. In these instances you must identify that you want things to be different than they are and you must stop and analyze your own limiting beliefs around the subject at hand.
So they are reflecting some feeling or belief you have about yourself and you must now work on altering your own feelings and beliefs around this subject. If you felt confident in your jobs, that you were doing the best you could do, and that everything was going as well as it could, you would not have these feelings and your bosses would not question your performance. It is now your responsibility to make yourself feel better. You must do whatever it takes to start feeling more confident and less apprehensive in your jobs.
If you were to track your activities and achievements, it would be to make yourself feel more confident in your productivity. You would have the facts in front of you. You would know just how much productive work you have done. This would spur you to be even more productive. Maybe you delegate more and now you list the productivity of your teams as well. The point is that whatever you choose to do, you do it to make yourself feel better. If you choose to share that with your bosses, don't expect their appreciation of you to improve until your appreciation of yourself improves as well.
You are doing wonderfully.
Joshua
