Dear Joshua,
I had some frustration tonight. I recognized it as it was occurring and I didn't let it take control of me and almost immediately I thought this was an opportunity, so that was positive.
Now I'm fresh off of your last answer which has me looking forward to things not going exactly the way I expect because I know the universe has a potential adventure in store for me, but I cannot see the potential adventure in this one and I'd like to hear your take on it.
For a little background, we bought a washer and dryer from Home Depot a while ago and we used a program where if you applied for their credit card, you could get 0% financing on your purchase assuming you paid it off within 18 months. Now personally, I did not want another credit card to track and pay monthly, but my wife wanted to take advantage of the offer and volunteered to handle it and pay it monthly. Well a while back she was late in getting the check in the mail and we were charged a late fee. She called and asked for it to be taken off and it was. All good. But then last month she again didn't get the check off in time and tonight I noticed that we were charged another $25 late fee. I asked her to call and get the late fee removed, but she refused saying that she had already done it once before and that she didn't feel comfortable asking again. Furthermore, we should pay the fee because she was late and she added that it was only $25 and if it bothered me I could just skip one of my work lunches. This all angered me, but like I said earlier, I recognized it right away and my discussion with her was more along the lines of "do you mind me asking Joshua about this" more than me being really mad and arguing.
Now I want to do the work necessary to find the limiting belief, so I'm going to think out loud. $25 is not a lot of money to me, but I still want to get "value" from my money, and this late fee is just like throwing money away - zero value. Also, when my wife signed up to "handle" this card, it is implicit in the agreement to pay the bill on time, and if not, you deal with it - so that agreement is being violated. Also, based on her lunch comment, I interpreted that as she thinks I am spending way too much on lunch.
So to cut this to the core beliefs:
I must get "value" for my "hard earned" money.
People should be competent when they sign up to do something and if they make a mistake, they should do everything in their power to rectify it. (Now I have to handle this if it's going to be done at all and I'm already very busy and this is exactly what I was trying to avoid and why I didn't sign up to handle this card in the first place)
I'm worried that my wife thinks that I don't spend our money wisely...(lunch)
So there is no wrong in the universe, and this played out exactly as it should have to expose a limiting belief... Money? Agreements? I should be taking a sack lunch to work? I feel I should be better at analyzing these sorts of things by now, but I can't imagine being ok with just throwing money away no matter how financially abundant I became. And I'm a firm believer that people can make mistakes, but they should be willing to at least attempt to fix whatever impact they caused. And I like getting out of the office and interacting with friends at lunch and I'm only spending between $8 and $15 normally.
So could you point me in the right direction for identifying my limiting belief(s) in this particular instance?
Thanks!
Steve
Dear Steve,
Nobody should be anything other that who they are being in the moment. As soon as you think something or someone should be different than they are, you are arguing against what is. This is just not a practical or appropriate approach to life. Since you cannot do anything to change another, you cause resentment when you attempt to do so. Resentment does not feel good. It causes inner conflict and stress. Believe that everything is as it should be and do not try to change it or fix it.
Believe us that when we tell you that if your wife was different than she is, you would never have fallen in love and married in the first place. If she was interested in paying bills and being responsible, she would not have been interested in you. You have the qualities she admires. Do not try to make her adopt your qualities.
There is no lack unless you perceive there to be lack. By counting pennies, you resist the abundance that will come from focusing on the true abundance that exists in your life. If your wife was diagnosed with a disease, you would spend every penny you had to cure her disease. So why are you causing stress that might lead to a disease? It's something to think about isn't it?
Remove money from your mind, for you are more abundant than you know. You will never have to worry about money. It is all lined up for you. Allow your wife to be concerned about money, but do not exacerbate the issue by agreeing with her or pointing out that there is a lack of money. Do not try to change her opinion because her perception of abundance is far different from yours. She is right and you are right. You are dependable, but she does not need to be. Accept her as she is, with her failings as numerous as they may be, and love her anyway. Not so she feels good, but so that you feel good.
It only matters how you feel. Say and believe what you need to so that you feel good.
You are love,
Joshua
