Dear Joshua,
Last year my son and I bought paintball guns and equipment and went paint balling several times with a group from work. It's been a while, but we have one scheduled for later this month and I'm really looking forward to it. My son and I don't share many interests at this point in our lives (he's into video games, I'm into cars and motorcycles) so this is one thing between us that I really treasure. Unfortunately, my son's brand new paintball gun is malfunctioning. (Surprise!) So I've been on him to get it repaired and it's obvious to me that he is not motivated.
Today I sent a text asking if he was intending to go and he ignored the message. (He later said he was busy when he first read it and then forgot) When I asked him about it tonight he said he feels like he "should" go, but he's just not feeling it... Ok, I get that you should follow your feelings, that's what it's all about here in the physical, but I can't help but feel baffled. It's gigantic fun and we get to spend the day together. What's not to like? He's even invited 2 of his friends to go along and they are both in! I can't help but interpret this as it's just not that important for my son to spend even a little time with his dad.
Since thinking about that makes me sad, I know it's not what my inner self thinks about this situation. The false belief I have is my son doesn't love his old man. (I know this to be false) Maybe his inner self knows something bad would happen if he goes this time so he's just skipping it and he'll go next time. That made me feel a wee bit better.... I know my son and I are eternal. He wouldn't select me as his Dad this lifetime unless we had a pretty special relationship already. I also know it's natural for children to separate somewhat from their parents as they are transitioning from a child to an adult, to become their own person. He loves me eternally and I love him eternally. That last sentence I know to be true, but don't "feel" it in this moment. I still feel the slight sting of losing out on a fun day of paint balling with my son...
Thanks!
Steve
Dear Steve,
This is another wonderful question that we are extremely excited to answer. You will gain tremendous benefit from our answer and it will help you in all areas of your life. Are you ready?
The feeling of negative emotion in response to your son not wanting to go paint balling with you is your sign that you are not viewing the situation from the higher perspective. As you feel fear, you understand that there is a belief within you that is limiting. When you want someone to be doing something that they are not doing or you think they should be different than they are, you have encountered a limiting belief. Your judgment that they are wrong is your indicator that you are operating from a limited perspective. This does not serve who you really are or what you really want.
When this occurs, your work is to stop what you are thinking and align with what you truly want. If you want your son to be different, this is not helpful. Your son is perfect the way he is. You must alter your perspective so that you can see that. He isn't the one who must change, you are. Can you understand this? You have been operating from an approach to life where you want the conditions to change so that you feel better. This, as you know, does not work. You must change so that you feel better. This is the only approach to life that works.
Why should you have to change? Why shouldn't they change? Because we are talking about how you are feeling and in this reality, how you feel is the only thing that really matters. When you improve your feelings, you improve your experience in physical reality. As you are constantly improving your feelings, you are expanding and moving toward the highest version of you. Do whatever it takes to improve your feelings. This is the best possible thing you can do. The only way to improve your feelings is to change your perspective. When you change your perspective, your beliefs automatically change. Limiting beliefs are diminished and beneficial beliefs flourish.
Let's look at this situation from your son's perspective. He has fear around going to play paint ball. You cannot know what they specific fear is, you only know fear exists. If he had no fear, he would want to go. You must accept that there is fear, but you cannot do much to alleviate it. It is his to deal with and he must learn to overcome his fears in time. This is his process, not yours. Allow him to move through it without being attached to any specific outcome.
He has fear which makes him not want to go. He has two ways to get out of going; he can tell you he doesn't want to go, or he can manifest an equipment malfunction. The path of least resistance is for his gun to stop working. This is the best possible scenario. He can get out of going and doesn't have to tell you he doesn't want to go. It's the perfect manifestation.
So when you ask him to fix his gun, he thinks "Hell no. Why would I alter this perfect manifestation?" He manifested just what he wanted and now you want him to undo his creation. If you want to go to paint ball and you can still have fun, then you should go. However, you must not try to alter the desires of your son. You must stand firm in the knowledge that you love him unconditionally and that must be enough for you. Your love for him must not come with the condition that he express his love in return.
If you want to spend time with your son (or anyone) you must do things they want to do. You do not have to do anything you are not inspired to do, but if you think simply about spending time together, you will be guided to the activity that you both will enjoy. Simply relax and try not to force it. You are eternally linked, as you know, and there is no need to make it work in this lifetime. You've already made it work, many times.
When you let your son off the hook, you let yourself off the hook. A lot of your feelings of fear stem from your judgment of yourself as a father. You must relax that judgment and realize that everything is working out exactly as you all intended prior to forming this family.
You are loved more than you can imagine and the essence of you is love.
Joshua
