Kyla Question #84

 

Joshua,

A couple days before I saw that person at the bar, I happened to notice that I still had his number in my phone. Today, after the call, I was driving and feeling good, and I felt inspired (or so I thought) to text him and ask him to meet me. My thinking was that I would like to arrange the next meeting, so that I wouldn't be surprised, so that I would have a chance to look him in his eyes and see that I had nothing to fear.

It was a couple hours before I received a text back. I'd texted "[His name], is this still your number?" And the response I received was "No sorry." I felt fear after texting, and fear when I saw his name pop up when I received the response, and then mixed feelings when it wasn't him.

Was it an inspiration or an urge when I received the thought that I should text him? It occurred to me afterwards that maybe that was my way of trying to control the situation (instead of letting "Jesus" take the wheel). That I thought I could make myself feel better by meeting him on my terms.

I've been working through my ideas around men and the belief that they can hurt me. That's a really interesting concept, considering the things I've been exploring in my current relationships with men, where I find pleasure in a little bit of pain. So I definitely didn't miss the irony of being with one man whom I'd chosen to give my power to, and seeing another who I felt like had taken my power from me.

Why did I feel inspired (in my mind) to text him? And why wasn't it him that answered? I even "muscle-tested" to make sure that I was following inspiration. What's the deal with muscle-testing? Is it only real to the extent that I believe it is? I suppose everything is only real to the extent that I believe it is. Maybe this deserves its own question, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject as well.

With love,
Kyla


Dear Kyla,

As you are resolving your control and dominance issues with men, we see a stick stuck in the spokes of your vibrational wheel and it's making a lot of noise. You are exploring this issue. You have been exploring it most of your life. You believe that you have power and that it can be taken away by men. Now you know that this is not possible unless you allow it. You have the choice to allow it when it is fun, pleasurable and exciting, but then again it's only fun, pleasurable, and exciting because you are still playing around with this issue. It's time to resolve the issue once and for all.

If you choose to explore this subject further, thinking that it's possible to give up your power, and therefore wrong for a man to take your power or any woman's power, then you must meet up against this resistance in some way. If you now decide that no one can create in your reality, that you have absolute power over your experience, and that it is not wrong for a man to take your or anyone else's power, then you have resolved the issue. If you can see that the only way a man can take your power is by you allowing it, then you actually hold the power. Even when it seems like you've lost your power, it's an illusion because you want to gain something from the experience of giving your power away.

However, if you fear losing your power to a man (something you know you can't lose), then this is an irrational fear and it causes you to hold onto limiting beliefs. These limiting beliefs are in direct contrast to what you want (a wonderful relationship with a man) and therefore they must be reduced in their intensity one way or another. You can work to reduce these limiting beliefs now or you can enter manifestation event after manifestation event until you get the message. Some of these manifestation events will seem rather unpleasant and cause you to want to hold onto your limiting beliefs about men because they are a reflection of what you already believe and it seems like this is proof that your limiting belief is true.

The world tends to reflect the belief back to you. When you start to alter a belief, the reflection seems wrong, but it comes in response to the momentum of past beliefs. You must tell yourself it is okay for men to take your power and it's okay for women to relinquish their power to men. You must believe this because you believe that it is the ultimate power to choose to relinquish your power and if you do choose to do that then that decision (even if it's an unconscious one) will lead you to discover something truthful about yourself.

Generally these events occur to uncover something that is necessary to move one forward, but you can move forward on your own without the need to encounter another manifestation event. You hold all the power and you choose what to do with it. That's it. End of story.

Muscle testing is a wonderful thing because it often reflects your beliefs back to you in physical reality.

Love,
Joshua

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