Joshua,
So I just got a text from that guy saying we'd have to reschedule. My first thought was that I feel like an idiot. My second thought was wondering if maybe I wasn't in as high an emotional state as I thought I was when making the decision to go over there at midnight.
What gives?
You said I like guys that are dicks to me for a very specific reason...is this another manifestation of that? Do I feel the need to prove to him that I'm awesome? Or is it more that this specific interest isn't really for me? I suppose it's also possible that it's something totally benign about this evening that wouldn't have worked out exactly as I would want it to...
If that's the case, then maybe I could soften my idea of him being a dick. But regardless of the roles we've sort of agreed to play, I feel like I'm being taken for granted, and so that must mean I feel like I deserve to be taken for granted.
Maybe I really was kidding myself about the emotional state I was in earlier this evening. I thought I'd bounced back pretty well from what felt like a low day, but maybe not, because now that I think about it I had a similar noncommittal interaction with my other gentleman friend.
Am I feeling unworthy? Am I trying to source my worthiness through these men? I honestly felt like I was vibing high on my own, but maybe it was just the prospect of attention and having those feelings of worthiness reflected back to me that lifted me up.
Okay...here's a better feeling thought...maybe this happened because I was working on the joy meditation when he texted, and I was feeling so excited about it that the universe is simply giving me the opportunity to finish it up.
So which is it? Sorry to Gary for blowing you guys up tonight, but I feel like there's something important for me to get here.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
Everything is always working out for you. If you were to have this interaction tonight without being fully vibrationally ready for it, it would not have been as good as you might imagine it. So, a little anticipation helps you soothe your resistance. It's always working out for you.
You had a little fear and this fear caused a wobble in your vibration and this caused the manifestation of your desire to be postponed. No worries, the universe will find a million other ways to bring you to your desire as soon as you are vibrationally ready. If you had an interest and you were in a high-emotional state of being, then the event could have manifested. Your fear caused you to be out of alignment with the desire and so the manifestation was stalled. You simply were not able to push through your fears. This takes a little practice.
Imagine bungy jumping. You strap yourself into the harness (your device) and walk to the edge of the ledge. You spent some time mentally preparing yourself in order to reduce the intensity of the fear. You watched many other people jump and survive and you tell yourself that this experienced which was inspired from a high emotional state of being is a good one and it's one that you want to have. You prove to yourself that the fear is irrational. The evidence is the people you have seen jump and enjoy the experience without incident. Your desire for the experience now outweighs the intensity of the fear and you step off the ledge.
As soon as you reduce the intensity of your fears and increase the intensity of your desire, the desire must manifest into your reality. But there is no rush. Get your fears in order first and do not be upset when something you want does not come. It's simply a matter of resolving the fear/desire balance.
Joshua
