Joshua,
Yesterday I felt inspired to send my gentleman friend the clip of our live call where you asked about my manifestation event. He wrote back and said that you nailed him on the way he was feeling about how he handled things and the impact his actions had. He said it was kind of scary how accurate you were, and told me (at least half-jokingly) to tell you go get out of his head.
We spent the afternoon and evening texting, with him giving me every indication that I'm not the only experiencing real feelings here. This morning, I woke up to a text from him, and I felt a little bit of negative emotion. How ridiculous is that? Here I am, getting what I thought I wanted, and after one day, I'm wondering "Is this too much?"
But then, I found out today that the divorce papers are ready to be signed, which could mean a trip back to Wichita in the next few days, so I texted him about it, expecting him to express a desire to see me.
But he didn't. I'm laughing about it, because I'm actually kind of grateful for it. I recognize there's a part of me that likes the uncertainty. I want to know he likes me, but I guess I don't want to know he likes me "too much". What is my deal?
I'm obviously feeling some fear here. I think I want something more with him than what we've had, but I also don't want to be in a position where I'm asked to give up my freedom. I want to know he has feelings for me, but I don't want to feel smothered by them. I want to know where I stand with him, but I also want to be kept on my toes.
I don't know if I'm making any sense. I certainly don't understand me. I know it's entirely possible to have my cake and eat it too, and maybe that's exactly what's happening here. I would like to remain in a state of allowing with him, and just watch with curiosity as things unfold.
But I keep hearing your voice, saying that as soon as a guy recognizes my awesomeness, then I won't think he's that awesome anymore. Is that what's happening here?
Thanks for sharing your infinite intelligence with me. I value it very much.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
You can have your cake and eat it too, but you can't bake your own cake. Let the universe do that for you. You are trying to coerce the conditions in order to get what you think you want. Since you have no idea what you really want, this coercion creates havoc.
If you get a text from your guy, know that the text is right. If he doesn't call you or want to see you on a certain night, know that it is right not to see him. If you feel irrational fear, push through it. If you experience negative emotion, realign your perspective. This is how it is to go with the flow of life.
You have an idea of what you want, but you could not articulate it or write it down. It is too complex and intricate. It's like a swiss watch with many tiny moving pieces. The universe knows what you want and how to get it to you.
You want many things, but before they manifest in your reality, you have some changes to make. You have some experiences to encounter. You have some living to do. You have some beliefs that need modifying. You cannot see how the road unfolds, so why not imagine that it's unfolding perfectly?
If something happens to you, it's happening for you. If you get a call, then that's good. If you get stood up, then that's good. If you have a fight, then that's okay. If you make love, then that is right too. If you are in a good-feeling emotional state and you're inspired to pick up the phone and make a call, then you can know that the action will be for your benefit one way of the other. If he answers the phone and wants to see you, then this is a good thing. If he answers the phone and makes some excuse not to see you, this too is a very good thing? Do you understand?
Whatever happens, no matter what it is, has the potential to alter your beliefs in a way that is beneficial because it is the limiting beliefs that are keeping you from getting what you really want. If you want something and you have it now, your beliefs, feelings, thoughts, attitudes, and expectations perfectly match it. If not, they don't. Simply trust that the universe is always working things out for you. Stay open, be brave, and take an attitude of the expectant observer. Realize that all things are good, because they are happening for you so that you may receive all that you truly desire.
Joshua
