Joshua,
My divorce has taken much longer than I imagined to become finalized, but we're so close I can taste it. I've done a good job of finding the higher perspective, thinking up all the ways the extra months have benefitted me. Now the paperwork is drawn up and almost ready to send off to the courts, just as soon as one last issue is settled.
In our first mediation session, which was full of manifestation events for me with my ex accusing me of all sorts of nonsense, I agreed to several things that didn't sit well with me. One of those things was an agreement that neither of us would consume any alcohol whatsoever while responsible for the care of the kids.
My lawyer advised me that the standard language for parenting agreements is that neither parent will consume alcohol in excess, and suggested we change the wording of our final agreement to reflect that. I had been prepared to suck it up, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me, so I gave him the green light to change the wording.
It has now become a point of contention between my ex and me. He wants the language originally agreed upon, I want the standard language used by the courts. We talked about it, and he said he would not budge.
I offered to compromise, changing it instead to "...will not consume more than one alcoholic beverage...", and he is still sticking to his guns. He even pointed out what a shame it would be to have the entire agreement go out the window over my "desire to drink in front of the kids."
I recognized the bait, and didn't take it, but part of me is still making him wrong in my mind. I know to some this could seem trivial, but it feels like a big deal to me. My ex doesn't drink at all. And he knows that on occasion I like to enjoy a glass of wine or a beer in the evening. So to me, this feels like an attempt to control me, to control my behavior, and to take away something small that gives me pleasure.
I've gone through the evidence gathering process, and have found some relief, but I'm at a loss as to how to respond. I don't know that I'll be able to get to the "You're right. I'm sorry." point on this one. I keep reminding myself that I'm a being of pure positive love. I know I can feel good whether I agree to this or not.
But...I'm also a freedom-seeking being and and as a result, there's a loud limited perspective part of me that thinks this is bullshit. That I'm an adult, I make good choices, and I'm a responsible parent. Why should some a-hole with a vendetta get to decide how I live my life?
Clearly I need some help with higher perspectives here. How would you guys respond if you were in my shoes?
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
This is one of those occasions where it is difficult to see beyond the illusion of the condition. It seems like your ex is attempting to control you by picking at a very delicate point to which has no ramification for him at all. It would be like him saying you could not wear make-up or a skirt in front of your children because he does not wear make-up or skirts and so it has no effect on him. It seems ridiculous and unreasonable, yet there is resistance to it and this resistance is based in some fear. However, the fear is irrational and it is false.
The fear is that in the future if you have a drink while in the "care of" your children, the agreement could unravel and all sorts of problems could arise. We completely understand this. We see that the illusion is very strong, but we must remind you that the universe is bringing you everything you really want even thought you cannot see it now. If you trust that somehow this is for you, then you can be assured that there is nothing to fear. This is a part of the trajectory for both you and your children.
Let's imagine that you did agree to this one point. What would happen? Your divorce would finally be over. How easy was that? Just agree to this point and the whole thing is over and you can move to the next phase of your life. You would achieve what you really want. You would receive what you desire. This is a downhill action. It is going with the flow. There is no resistance.
If you argued this point, not really caring about the alcohol, but more as an attempt to assert your will, and your perceived rights, to be seen as right, to make him wrong, you now are in a mode of resistance. You are believing you are fighting against your ex when in fact, you are fighting against the universe.
Imagine if this decree that you do not drink in front of your kids came from God rather than your ex. Imagine that God asked you not to drink in front of them because it was in their best interests based on the trajectory they intended prior to their births. God is not saying that anything is wrong with drinking alcohol, He is just asking that in this instance, for these boys, for their trajectories, it is not helpful for them to see their mother having a glass of wine or a beer every now and then. If the person making the request makes the difference, then the resistance is not about the request, it's about the person. This means that the request may not be all that unjust in this case. Imagine that the universe is working it all out and this is the only way the universe could get this idea across to you.
We are not saying that you should or should not comply with this request. We are simply offering another perspective. You can do no wrong, so anything you are inspired to do will work out. Just use this opportunity to understand if your actions are coming from a high-emotional state of being recognizing that everything that is happening is for the good of all, or are you making decisions from a low-emotional state of being thinking that something wrong is happening.
You are loved. You are love.
Joshua
