Joshua,
I know you say it's not possible, but I feel like I'm regressing...I just totally lost my shit on my oldest. I was ready for him to go to bed, he was not ready to go to bed, so I laid down with him. He kept bugging me, then hit me, so I got up explaining that I don't want to be hit, and that I was going to go take a break and then come back.
He snuck out of his room, went into his brother's room, wanting to wake him up and get him out of bed. I heard him, and stormed in there, screaming like a madwoman, and I scared the crap out of both of them.
It was ridiculous. The level of negative emotion I felt in that moment was a sure sign that those actions were not at all in alignment with who I am.
I want to feel good when I'm with my kids, and I don't know how to do that, especially at bedtime after a long day of "allowing them to be who they are" (i.e. watching them beat each other up). Why is it so hard to feel good with them lately?
I felt relief after our call on yesterday. I felt like progress was made in terms of the limiting beliefs I have that are contributing to this situation (this series of manifestation events), but things felt even worse today. I am well aware that this is a sign that I'm choosing a limited perspective.
I've been attempting all day to find a higher perspective, and I feel like I've failed miserably, even though I know there's no such thing as failure. Are there other limiting beliefs I have yet to uncover? Or do I need to spend more time on the ones we talked about?
One limiting belief that just came to mind is that I feel like he's walking all over me, like he's manipulating me, which makes me not want to allow these behaviors, because then he'll see that all he has to do to get what he wants is to push my buttons. So perhaps that's where I ought to be focusing my attention?
Would love some guidance on this subject. I'm ready to get out of this low emotional state, get past this manifestation event, and move onto the next one (that hopefully won't hurt so much).
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
We understand how you are feeling and we appreciate all that you are doing to help yourself and all the other parents who are going through the same feelings who will one day read these important questions. You are not regressing, you are progressing. Your awareness of how you are temporarily choosing a perspective that does not align with who you really are or what you really want is amazing. Now all you have to do is find a higher perspective.
Let's take a look at the situation from your son's perspective. He was thrust into a situation that he does not understand and he does not want. He does not appreciate having to live in two separate homes. He does not appreciate his mother and father living apart. He does not appreciate shuttling between two locations. He does not appreciate long car rides. He does not appreciate having to share you with his brother. There are a lot of things that, at this time in his life, he does not appreciate. He's looking at the negative aspects. He's comparing his life now to how it used to be and he does not appreciate the change.
He feels negative emotion. He wants to feel better so he does what he thinks will make him feel better; he hits people because that's all he knows how to do. When he is in a low-emotional state of being, from his perspective, he feels helpless and frustrated and so he expresses his discontent in the hopes of feeling better. When he is yelled at, he feels worse. His actions inspired from a low-emotional state of being end up taking him further away from where he really wants to be. This causes him to dip into an even lower-emotional state of being.
You are frustrated as well. You are also choosing to see things from the limited perspective. You are acting out of a low-emotional state of being in the hopes that you will feel better, but you understand that action taken from that low-vibrational place only moves you further away from where you want to be. This makes you resent the conditions yourself.
But let us show you another perspective.
Imagine that anytime your son did something you didn't like you said the following: "Your behavior is wrong. You must stop that behavior because I have no control over my perspective. I am not able to analyze my fears in this moment. You must change who you are and what you are here to explore, and then you must choose a behavior that allows me to feel good. Unless you are different than you are, I cannot feel good. You are now creating in my reality because your influence is so strong. I understand that you came as my greatest teacher, but I now reject your teachings and choose not to expand myself. Please be different than you are so that I can feel good without any effort on my part. If you do that for me, I will express my conditional love and affection for you."
In essence that is what you are saying each and every time your son does something that you judge as bad or wrong. Obviously, every parent does the same thing. We understand that it is not practical or even appropriate in your society to allow your children to run amuck. We see the benefit in a little discipline here and there. However, it is far to easy for you to change the conditions rather than change your mind. You can fall into a habit of control. You are bigger and you wield authority. You can make these little ones behave as you wish. But when you do so, you do not aid them or help yourself. This is your chance to chart a new course. This is your golden opportunity to take this time in your life and choose a more empowering approach to parenting. There will be many others who will make your children wrong. You can be the one person who accepts them (mostly) as they are.
You are a powerful, aware being of love and acceptance and we see that you are progressing marvelously.
Joshua
