Joshua,
What's your perspective on empathy? I've always considered myself to be a very empathetic person, and have tended to view that as a positive attribute. Today I noticed something interesting during a manifestation event at work. I went into a room early this morning to book a photo session. The mom was changing baby's diaper, obviously tired and overwhelmed, while dad was asleep on the couch. When I returned a few hours later, Dad was still asleep while Mom cared for baby.
This wasn't all that unusual so I went about my business taking photos. As I was finishing up the editing, Mom attempted to wake Dad up so that they could view the photos together. Dad was clearly uninterested and preferred to continue sleeping. I didn't hear everything that was said, but Mom was clearly upset.
Their baby was beautiful, and the pictures were amazing, and Mom cried. But they weren't the tears of joy that usually come with this part of my job. They were tears of hurt, tears of frustration that Dad didn't seem to care about this thing that was obviously so important to her. They exchanged a few more words during and after the slideshow, and my heart ached for her.
In that moment, I wanted more than anything to be able to say or do something to take away her pain. It was then that I realized that my empathy for her was actually my old wounds opening up. I realized that the fact that those wounds opened up meant that there was a limiting belief hiding in there somewhere.
This led to me spending the rest of the day pondering what the limiting belief could be, and whether there was actually any real value in being empathetic beyond using the resulting emotions to to identify my own limiting beliefs. I also spent a lot time thinking about compassion versus empathy. I remember seeing you talk about compassion in your answers, but don't remember ever seeing anything about empathy.
So what are your thoughts on empathy? And could you point me in the direction of the limiting beliefs that were at the root of the heartache I felt? Here's what I've come up with so far:
-- He's wrong for not caring.
-- If someone doesn't care about something I care about, then it's not valid.
-- I was (am?) unsupported.
Thanks for your input.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
When we think of the meaning of empathy, we view it as the ability to view the situation from the other person's perspective. While you were empathetic toward the mother, isn't it interesting that you were not empathetic toward the father. Clearly, as upset as the mom was, the father was dealing with some issue as well. You were empathetic from your own perspective. You put yourself in the shoes of the mom, but not the dad. If you were truly neutral, you would be able to see both sides.
So yes, your negative emotion was evidence of a limiting belief about yourself based on an irrational fear. Both you and the mom wanted the dad to be different than he was. If he was different, you could feel better. Because he was the way he was, you could not feel good. You and the mom blame him (not yourselves) for not feeling good. You allow him to control how you feel. You are unable to feel good as long as he behaves this way. That's a shame, because he's not going to change for you.
If people would just behave responsibly, you could all feel better. Well, how's that working out for you? How about this idea; you feel good regardless of the actions of others. You choose to feel good despite their behavior. You control how you want to feel and let them do whatever they want. Their actions do not need to affect you. You have the power to choose your perspective.
It is all about choice. You choose to see the situation in a way that makes you feel good or bad. You don't know what they're going through. You do not know what will come of all this. You do not know the events that led up to this. You do not know what their intentions were prior to their birth into this reality. You don't know what they want to explore and how that exploration will spur further expansion. Since you don't know, you must realize that you're making it all up. Your writing the screenplay, so change the story. Make up a story that allows you to feel better.
What if the dad was out all lat night fighting fires and saving children from burning buildings? What if the mom was just being irrational because she scheduled this on his only day off in the last four weeks? What if he really wanted to be a part of this but could not handle her right now and he didn't want to ruin it by getting into a fight, so he chose to pretend to be sleeping? We don't know, but at least our story helps us to feel better.
You don't know anything about the lives of others. They don't know themselves most of the time, so how could you know? If you could change things in that moment, would you? Had you that kind of power, are you certain the ramifications of the changes you would make would actually be of benefit to them? Isn't it possible that the Law of Attraction is sorting this all out for them? Isn't it interesting that they and you attracted each other on this day at this time? When events like this happen, realize that the universe created this rendezvous for your benefit and theirs. Don't worry what it means for them, just think about what it means for you. They are perfectly capable of figuring this out on their own. You can work on your end of the event.
What are your limiting beliefs?
Men should be different than they are so that I can feel good.
People should be different than they are so that I can feel good.
Conditions should be different than they are so that I feel good.
If you can only feel good when everything is going just as you think it should, then you're not going to feel good very often. How about this approach:
I am solely responsible for how I feel.
I am in charge of my thoughts and I can choose any thought I like.
I have the ability to choose any perspective, so I choose to adopt a perspective that allows me to feel good.
Everyone is here to explore reality in a unique way and that is fine with me. I acknowledge their style even if it's not for me. Their journey does not need to affect my journey.
The universe is sorting all of this out. I am here to work within the laws of the universe to explore reality in my unique way and to do so in joy. I am focused on my personal journey and while I certainly will aid anyone in need who requests my help, I know that the universe has their back and supports them 100% of the time. They don't need me.
If the universe brings it up in my face, then I know there's something there for me. It is a gift, every single time and I acknowledge that gift by engaging the art of analysis. I will discover limiting beliefs and I will reduce the intensity of those limiting beliefs so that I may expand and raise my vibration.
As I raise my vibration, I will encounter more significant beliefs which will challenge me at this new level. I will remember to analyze them just as I always do and I shall succeed at reducing their intensity as well.
I know that this is an exhilarating journey of expansion and I am eager to encounter new limiting beliefs every step of the way.
There you have it. You need not feel bad for anyone else. They chose their trajectory for the expansion of it. If they do not seem joyous in the moment, be assured their joy is waiting for them and they will get there soon enough. You cannot create in their reality and you would not want to. Trust that unseen universal forces are at work here and that from the higher perspective it is easy to see how it's all working out. That's all you need to know.
With all our love and appreciation.
We are Joshua
