Joshua,
I am in the middle of a manifestation event. I thought it was a small one, I thought I had "overcome" it, but apparently that is not the case. I've somehow awoken the giant. Does this all just boil down to me needing to tell him he's right again???
I did what you said. In our last conversation, I validated his position on the medical stuff. I told him I could understand his concerns, and that I would do my best to do things differently in the future. When he lectured me about needing to abide by the law, I told him he was right. I said (actually I typed) those words.
"You're right."
And now, here we are. We had an agreement regarding our tax return. I was very specific in my wording of the agreement. Tonight when he was picking up the boys, he expressed basically the exact opposite of the agreement I thought we'd made. A lot of things ran through my mind, which were less than loving, but out loud, I managed to laugh and said, "Okay, check the email."
I see how even this was "making him wrong" but it was definitely progress. I mean, come on! AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM HE'S RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES OR SAYS?! I'm sorry for "yelling". I'm just disappointed. I thought I'd "won" this manifestation event.
Within 20 minutes of that exchange, I'd nailed down a fear. "I can't trust him. This was an agreement we made about something relatively minor, in writing, and now he's going back on it. If I can't trust him with this, how can I trust him to stick to any sort of parenting agreement we come up with? I can't fucking trust him."
So then I set to work finding evidence to prove that belief false. I started looking for ways I could trust him, and came up with nothing. But, then I realized the Truth. I don't have to trust him. I can be okay without being able to trust him. I can co-exist with him without being able to trust him. All I need is to trust the Universe. Bing, bang, boom. Test passed. Manifestation event owned.
I felt relief. I was inspired to send him an email...aaaaaaand I just realized where I went wrong. I was inspired to send him an email with the words "I trust you'll do the right thing." But, instead, I sent an email highlighting sections of our previous emails (thus making him wrong again), along with the words "I trust you'll do the right thing."
And, of course, I got back a nasty-gram asking what exactly the right thing is and saying that if I wanted to renege on our agreement the least I could do was ask nicely. I realize you're nonphysical, but I hope you can understand how maddening it was in the moment to read that. So I'm sad, and I'm disappointed in myself.
What should I have done differently to achieve a more positive outcome? Immediately told him he was right? Waited longer to respond? I thought I was taking inspired action. Was that "inspired action" also part of the manifestation event? What do I do now? Do I have to tell him he's right again?
The fears here are:
-- That I'm dealing with a crazy person.
-- That I'll lose out on money that is "rightfully" mine
-- That I'll never be able to be unaffected by him (I think this is the big one)
I understand this is a process. But it seems like every time I feel I'm making progress, I experience a set back. I know, I know...why do I consider this a setback? This is happening for me. I know that cognitively, but it still fucking hurts.
Does this have something to do with a limiting belief that life can't be good all the time? Because it seriously feels like every time I'm flying high and things are going swimmingly, I get knocked back on my ass. Please help me out here.
Thanks in advance for forgiving my sassiness.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
We find your sassiness delightful. It is so much fun for us to be engaged with you in the transformative process, because you are getting so much of it perfectly right. As you progress in your work to become more aligned with who you are, you'll naturally feel as if your making progress and regressing all at the same time. This happens to everyone. It is part of the process.
Whenever you feel strong negative emotion you must stop and realize one thing; you're looking at the subject from a perspective that does not serve you. If you're angry, it's because you want him to be different than he is. If he was different, then you could feel better. Why won't he simply change to please you? Wouldn't that be nice?
The fact of the matter is that you can't expect anyone to change anything about themselves to please you. Maybe this has worked in the past, but your relationship is different now. In fact, he is more likely to (unconsciously) act in a way that infuriates you. To him, this is much more fun. He gets to see you melt down and there's nothing you can do about it. He's winning.
Oh wait, there is something you can do about it. Do you know what that is? You can be the one who changes your perspective. You can be the one who does not allow him to bring up your triggers. You can work on your limiting beliefs. You can disarm those triggers. You can take control of the entire situation. You have the knowledge and you have the power to radically change your entire approach to him.
One thing you must remember is that all of this carries with it great momentum. You cannot expect yourself to be cured of your limiting beliefs in just a few weeks or even months. This takes practice and some work. However, when you do respond as the highest version of you, just when he's expecting you to explode like the old you, you will feel tremendous exhilaration and satisfaction.
There's nothing more you need to do other to understand that the universe has your back. Everything is working out for you. This manifestation event was for your benefit. If you experience some doubt in the face of the reality of the situation, that is to be expected. Reality seems so real doesn't it? If you fear losing money, that is understandable. However, it might be helpful to know that your ex has no impact on your financial abundance. That's all up to you and the universe to work out.
So when you feel fear, realize that no matter how real that fear seems, it's irrational and it's false. You will be tempted to look for evidence that the fear is valid, but it isn't. Keep looking and you'll find enough evidence to prove it's false. Keep engaging the higher perspective until you find relief. Keep chipping away at the intensity of your limiting beliefs.
From a limited perspective, he appears to be acting like a crazy person, but you know he isn't. From a limited perspective, it might look like he has the ability to affect your financial abundance, but you know he doesn't. From a limited perspective, it might appear as if you'll never be able to handle him without encountering negative emotion, but we know you will. You are moving from who you are now to a much greater, elevated and wiser version of you. You can't comprehend that version of yourself from where you now stand, but you are well on your way there as we speak. Keep your focus on being who you really are and in times of fear realize that you can regain your focus. This is all part of the journey you chose and it's meant to be thrilling.
Joshua
