Joshua,
So much good stuff in your last answer. In all of your answers, but especially this last one. I see now why you said in your answer to my first question that this was the perfect time for us to start this conversation. This divorce is becoming just one more part of the adventure for me. Every time I think about you and this experience and the way things are all working out, I can't help but laugh out loud and say "Life is SO. freaking. cool."
I've come a long way over the past several months in terms of accepting my ex for who he is, but about half of that progress has been made in just the last couple weeks that we've been communicating. I feel like I've reached a point where about 90% of the time, I can let stuff go and say "Meh. He is who he is and he does what he does." But there's that other 10%...I would love to reach a place of total acceptance (i.e. unconditional love) in regards to my ex.
I was going to take the easy way out and just write you asking how I can stop viewing him as wrong. But, in reading through your one on one with Kate, I saw your advice to her to write out 25 positive things about a condition she didn't like, so I did that for my ex. I even wrote them out by hand after hearing Gary mention in the latest roundtable discussion that you say doing so makes a difference.
Here's what I came up with:
Things I Love About My Ex
1. He is brilliant.
2. He can be really funny.
3. He's very creative.
4. He's good at making up stories.
5. He's amazing at his job.
6. He is a good provider.
7. He has a handsome face.
8. He likes puns.
9. He laughs at my jokes.
10. He is thought-provoking.
11. He's good at building things.
12. He can fix anything computer-related.
13. He can be very complimentary.
14. He's one of the most interesting characters in my reality.
15. He's been one of my biggest catalysts for growth (other than the boys) so far in this life.
16. He helped give life to two incredible kids.
17. He always keeps me on my toes -- life with him is never boring.
18. He's good at making the boys laugh.
19. He's not afraid to act silly or goofy.
20. He is tall and has a nice build.
21. He is extremely close with his mother and sister.
22. He has a lot of great ideas.
23. When he puts his mind to something, he goes all in.
24. He has the ability to hone in on things with a laser-like focus.
25. He's doing the best he can with what he has to work with.
So that took a some effort, but I felt a bit lighter after finishing. I think I could benefit from repeating #25 over and over to myself. I've tried Ho'oponopono-ing him (focusing on him in my mind and saying "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.") Maybe that, combined with repeating #25, combined with targeting the last few fears he triggers in me, are the ticket to unlocking my unconditional love for him.
You were spot on with your analysis of my fear of losing my sons. It was a relief to read that that isn't a part of my path in this life. So that's one fear he triggers that I can continue working to prove false. I can find evidence all over the place that I'm a good mom who deserves to be in her kids lives. I also know now that there's no such thing as separation or loss, so regardless of what happens, it would be impossible for me to lose them.
Another limiting belief which I've made a lot of progress on, but is obviously still in play, is my desire to be seen as a "good" person. I have a fear of not being liked. When he says things about me that are untrue, I am afraid that people, (from friends and family to the judge and the mediator) will think I am "bad" or will stop liking me. I now know that it doesn't matter whether or not other people like me, because I am perfect and everyone is perfect exactly as we all are. There is no wrong anywhere in the Universe. I just can't get over how fucking cool that is.
The last fear that is HUGE for me is that he's trying to control me, and will somehow succeed in doing so. In my limited perspective mind, where he's still wrong, that just is who he is and that is what he does. He's full of fear, shame, and self-loathing, and the only way he can make himself feel better is by projecting the worst parts of himself (as he sees them) onto other people and trying to control them via mind games. So...how to release that fear? By finding evidence that he has no control over me?
Okay. I left the marriage. He didn't want me to leave, and I left. I've gracefully navigated my way through this divorce, sidestepping landmines and acting (mostly) from a place of love. I bounced back from an almost total loss of Self. I am here, now, writing to nonphysical entities without a care in the world as to what he or anyone else would think of all this. I see the evidence every single day of how I am the creator of my own reality. I, and only I, get to choose the perspective through which I view the world. Not only am I the director of this film, for possibly the first time ever, I'm the GD star of this show. I get to choose how it all plays out. I choose to direct/star in/watch a movie where I am the only one in control of my reality.
I feel like I've got a solid start here, but what am I missing? Do I keep analyzing past events for signs of negative emotion in order to uncover more limiting beliefs? Or do I just hang out, waiting for a few more manifestation events to present me with the opportunity to align myself with my desire for unconditional love for him? A million thanks for your insights. This experience is just the best.
With love,
Kyla
Dear Kyla,
You are not missing anything. You are doing everything perfectly right. You do not need to search your memory banks for past situations that brought up negative emotions, because those past conditions resonated at a different vibration. The version of you that exists in the present moment is of a different and higher vibration. This is why it is important to live in the moment.
Anything that happened in the past resonated with the old vibration of the past. The past is over, let's move on. Your vibration as it emanates from you now is the only thing that matters. You are beginning to manage that vibration and as you do your world is beginning to reflect the new vibration. This is a very good thing and your experience of life will improve as a result. But it is important to understand that you will now and forever face manifestation events. The manifestation events that come now are here to move you from this place, the highest place you've been so far, to an even higher place. The new manifestation events resonate with the latest version of you. It is a neverending process of growth.
You can assume the posture that you have uncovered all the limiting beliefs and reduced their intensity enough to make it to this point where you now stand. If you wanted nothing else in life, you would never encounter another manifestation event because there would be nowhere else to go. However, you never stop creating new desires and chasing after new preferences and so you will always butt up against some limiting belief. You will never run out of limiting beliefs to work on, so it's not really possible to get it done.
The next manifestation event will come soon. As we are writing this we feel that you are a little wary of manifestation events because you aren't exactly looking forward to the negative emotion part. However, manifestation events also highlight beneficial beliefs. When you're having fun and something really funny happens and you laugh, that's a manifestation event also. It's pointing out a beneficial belief and you can increase the intensity of that belief by acknowledging that it is true. The more you increase the intensity of a beneficial belief, the higher you raise your vibration.
You encounter manifestation events every single day. Some highlight limiting beliefs and some indicate beneficial beliefs. Whatever happens in the moment is responding to your vibration. It's always there to move forward. In the case of a happy manifestation event, realize that you are in alignment with the higher perspective and feel how good it feels to be in alignment. When you encounter a manifestation event that draws out negative emotion, feel how it feels to be out of alignment and then the relief you feel when you're back in alignment. Go with the flow of the event without resisting it and you'll start squashing limiting beliefs left and right.
We loved your statement of "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." We would add one more phrase into the mix; "You're Right."
With Love,
We are Joshua
