Dear Joshua
Thank you for the answer to question 86 about work and my colleague.
Yes, there is definitely work to do here. It helped a lot that you said clearly what I have been getting an inkling of in our relationship and his ambitions. I was ready to confront him (or have a conversation with him) today (on suggestion by my BF who has been a boss) to talk about team work, junior position blah blah blah etc. I hate confrontation, so I wasn't ready at all. I was relieved to see that Gary came back to me before I launched into what would have been a difficult situation. And it would have been, given your answer. It would just create more resentment between us.
I felt super resentful over the last few days, and this morning I was in tears in frustration, fear and anger, but have calmed down a lot, thanks to your answer. I came in to work with a different approach to him today and so far, so good. I get what he wants, and I can respect that. I'm sure he will do well. I hope he does. AND this is more about me. It's about my fears and insecurities, my unhappiness right now in the job, my feeling of general failure and and yet this is the best I can do. My thoughts that I need to work harder to keep my head above water and the fact that that sucks eggs. That I'm doing something wrong, that this will only go downhill – and yet I have no attraction to other types of work.
My ego, my insecurities, peoples pride and expectations – just a general feeling of disappointment and not knowing what to do. I'm feeling really stuck here. What can I do better? What am I not doing right? Should I copy my young colleague in what he does? We've gone over this and I feel I've fallen backward completely into negativity.
And this is why I want money – so that I can run - not have to deal with these thoughts, emotions, low self esteem buttons pushed by the work. And is this why I created this? Why did I create this? I don't really see how we can gain self esteem when it is so much about work in our society and work is a big issue for me.
I have more to say but maybe we can start with this, because while we have gone over it already, I still don't feel confident or happy right now (the good news is that this too shall pass, and at least it feels good to be communicating more easily with my colleague today).
I want money – I know – I have it back to front probably – but still, that would give me the security I don't have. The "who cares" factor, I don't have. I need to start over with you somewhere here because with 3 months to go, I'm feeling a bit panicked about all this. I know these are limiting beliefs. Obviously, given my emotions. But I'm not even sure where to start to soothe myself – Jeeze – I'm sorry…. I could laugh at it and call myself a drama queen but even that doesn't sound gentle. Sorry, Gary for being repetitive and treading water – feeling disappointed at myself (and sorry for myself) but appreciative of all of you. The one positive I can say here (other than willing to help my colleague rather than get in his way now), is that I'm willing to be as honest with you all as I can be, because this is my opportunity so I have to use it.
I know I'll come out of this. Another fear is that I'll come out, think its fine, and then sink right back in and the next manifestation event.
Love
Kate
Dear Kate,
We don't see anything wrong at all. We see that you are progressing marvelously. We see that this is all part of the process and you're right in the middle of it. Don't have any doubts about your ability to get through this. You're doing great.
It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it. You tend to get sucked in to your own perspective, forgetting the perspective of everyone else. Why not play a game where you release your perspective and you endeavor to see where everyone else is coming from. That little trick is quite valuable here. Start thinking about the motivations of others.
When you look at someone else, you tend to impose your perspective on them. But they are quite different from you and so their perspective is different as well. Look at things from the perspective of your bosses, your colleagues, your friends, your family and your boyfriend. See if you can understand their point of view. It's a fascinating game to play and by doing so, you can navigate around them by using the perfect words at the perfect time. When you see things from another's perspective, you get a glimpse into their soul.
If you re-read your question, you will see that the reason you want money is to be able to avoid these feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. Sorry, you are here to resolve your feelings. When you can figure out a way to feel good in the midst of this stuff, then the money will come, not the other way around. Feel good first and then what you want will flow to you.
Even if you had the money, you would still have the feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. In fact, the worst possible thing for you would be to get a lot of money before you figured out how to feel good. Your feelings create your reality and if you feel insecure without a lot of money, those feelings would simply be exacerbated with money. The money would cause you to feel even more insecure. Something would manifest involving the money (or the loss of it) and you would end up feeling much more insecure. It's just how the system works.
Resolve these feelings now and then everything will come. Hold onto these feelings and you stay where you are. Why do you need these feelings anyway? How do they help you? Why not adopt a stance of pure confidence, even if you have to fake it? Wouldn't it make sense, knowing what you know about this attractive universe, to fake your way out of insecurity and into confidence? What do you really have to lose?
You are in the middle of a process that will move you from one approach to life to a radically new outlook on life. You come in with one perspective and leave with another. You are going through the turmoil we knew would appear. This is good.This is why we ask you to meditate and to not make any major changes. This is a manifestation event. Your ambitious colleague is pushing your buttons just at the right time. Can you imagine if this was happening and you were not in the middle of a conversation with us? But then again, it's only happening because you are in a conversation with us.
This is all happening so that you will have the opportunity to greatly reduce your limiting beliefs about yourself. You have a choice to make. You can succumb to the fear and give up, or you can work to overcome the fear and feel exhilaration. It is your choice. But since the only real problem is the way you are choosing to feel, why not just choose to analyze the beliefs and reduce the intensity of the limiting ones? After all, nothing serious is going on here. It's just a game. It's just a mental exercise. If you can strengthen your mind in the middle of this challenge, everything will seem easier from here on out.
You are doing fine and you are loved and supported.
Joshua
