Dear Joshua,
I checked in with my emotions consciously a couple of times today and felt ... neutral, when I checked in (which I'm good with). When aware that I'm feeling neutral I imagine it would be helpful to look for positive thoughts to boost my emotional state - it would seem like the perfect time to do that.
Two events today: I can't find the key to my neighbor's mail box, which I have (somewhere). He had asked me to take care of his mail. I had to contact him just to let him know so he would understand when he gets back why I didn't do what he asked. The second incident, at work, having missed two days due to flu, I dragged myself in today and at one point, on something my boss said, I snapped at him slightly - hardly noticeable but I think he noticed - anyway, when meditating tonight I was pondering why my head was going to these two events which I was feeling shame over, rather than all the other good moments of the day.... Is it habit? Is it trying to find solutions? Why do these two incidences of negative emotion come into my mind (and give me negative emotion) more than all the neutral or even laughter moments of the day?
After that, and still during meditation (obviously a busy mind tonight) I chose to send these two people, my boss and my neighbor, love. This did help me get off the shame tape a bit. And while during the evening my thoughts have occasionally gone back to these two (super minor, but still negative emotion) incidences, I have this tool which is to keep on sending them love (although I've still got a ways to go to be able to do that without thinking I'll turn into a mother Theresa hippy ... with all due respect off course).
Thank you
Kate
Dear Kate,
I addition to sending these two people love, remember to send yourself love. You are critical of your actions and this stems from feelings of unworthiness. If you felt worthy, you would immediately soothe (love) yourself by saying to yourself something like "My neighbor will understand about the key. He knows I'm normally very responsible. Everyone misplaces things now and then. It's no big deal."
You would also talk to yourself about snapping at your boss by thinking, "That is not the loving version of me that I know. It's okay to lapse back into a lower vibration now and then, because it brings me back into alignment when something out of character happens. I can see that when I'm not feeling good, I become susceptible to these lower level reactions. I will continue to focus on feeling good by understanding my own worthiness and these events will become even more rare."
Soothing yourself is the way you demonstrate love for yourself. You can do no wrong because wrong does not exist anywhere in the universe. Therefore, everything is right. When you misplace a key, it happens for a reason. When you snap at your boss, you do so for a reason. If you judge yourself as being bad or wrong, you are resisting the message in these instances where you feel negative emotion. Your perspective is misplaced. When you soothe yourself after feeling negative emotion, you regain proper perspective. If you could do this in the moment as the events are happening, you would not feel negative emotion which would indicate that your perspective is in alignment with who you really are.
Fear of what others think of you causes you to feel negative emotion in these circumstances. You want your neighbor to see you as responsible. You want your boss to think of you as a nice person. What is the fear underlying all of this? Why are you afraid of being judged as irresponsible when it's not important what your neighbor thinks? Why do you want your boss to think that you're a nice person. He doesn't care if you're nice as long as you're doing your job. Nice doesn't get you anything from him. He's not going to give you anything more just because you're nice to him. If he want's to fire you it won't be because you're not a nice person, it will be because you aren't doing your job.
Your fear, which is the most common fear, is that you'll be found out. People will discover that you are not worthy. You don't feel particularly worthy, yet you mask these feelings and you fear you'll be unmasked. Okay, enough with this fear. You are worthy and there's nothing you can do to make yourself unworthy. You can feel unworthy, and believe you're unworthy, but these are false feelings and limiting beliefs. Start feeling worthy and you will never lose another mailbox key. Start believing in your worthiness and you'll never find fault with anything your boss says.
Joshua
