Dear Joshua,
The other night we were out for dinner and Rick pointed out an objection to something, adding a few harsh judgements and I simply responded with my observations that ... it's not that bad, it's not wrong, blah, blah, blah. All good stuff. He was furious that I didn't agree.
We then went to sit by a waterfall and we were watching it. He said, "Look at the eyes and the nose" ... I looked and I asked, Where? "Right there - it's there. I can't believe you can't see it." I looked, asked a few questions to gain clarity and he again was very upset that I didn't see it.
My reply ... well, that's just like in life. We don't see everything the same way. It's a large fountain with lots of spots and spouts and so I just am not looking at it the same as you are. "How can you not see it? This is ridiculous." And, I calmly restated how interesting it is that we all see things so differently.
The evening ended with my thinking... he isn't enjoying the new authentic, less judgmental Allyson. Is this going to be a problem? How do I have patience or keep patient when he blows up because I am not seeing/judging things the same way. In fact, his favorite line is; "You are just not listening to what I'm saying." And, I state that "yes, in fact, I hear it all and I understand what you are saying, but I just don't agree, I don't see it that same way. And on and on it goes."
How can I let this flow? How can I respond to things - simpler? I don't want to make him wrong - and he's not - I just don't see it the same way. How can I feel the confidence and share what I know I've gained while not allowing his judgments and comments ruin the evening!
Thank you,
Allyson
Dear Allyson,
Isn't it nice when you agree with another person? Doesn't that feel like alignment? When you disagree, can you see how it might feel like you've stepped out of alignment. What's the difference between an aligned state of being and one that's out of alignment? Simply fear. When you feel good, you are looking at things from the same perspective as your inner self. This is your natural state of being; in agreement with your inner self. When you see things differently than your inner self, you don't feel so good, because the negative emotion is an indication of your disagreement. So then, doesn't it make sense that if you disagree with someone, it's just like being out of alignment with your inner self? The reason for the negative emotion found in any disagreement is fear.
Rick feels fear, so he complains. This is the old approach to life that so many are used to. They perceive that something is wrong (due to some small or large fear that they have) and so they receive urges to change the conditions. They believe that voicing their dissatisfaction helps prevent it from happening in the future. They don't get that their focus of attention on the perceived problem simply adds it to their own vibration and that causes it to get bigger. When they feel dissatisfaction with anything, they are voicing their fear. They want the feeling of fear to go away and so they seek whatever means they can to feel better. Rather than going inside and processing their fears through analysis, they do and say things in a desperate attempt to feel better. If you agree with them, it makes them feel better, because they feel less alone in their fear.
You might imagine that one could not have a fear of the waiter not brining bread to the table quickly enough, but that little thing is simply fear. There are all these little fears swirling around giving the person a general sense of dis-ease. It's the attempt to maintain total control over the environment so that they do not feel fear, yet the environment is not controlled through words or actions, as we know. It's controlled though the focus and intention set forth by one's perspective, state of being, beliefs, and approach to life through the vibrational signal they are offering. The old approach of control cannot work in this reality, but they all keep trying, don't they? When will they give it up and just relax? Maybe in their next life, or the one after that.
You want Rick (and everyone else in your life) to get it the way you have. If they could just see what they are doing, surely their lives would be easier and so would yours. But that is an illusion. Do you see why? You are here to learn the new approach to life. You are here to learn how to become an allower. You are here to express your love and acceptance, unconditionally. You are not here to change anyone. That is a desire for control. You choose how you want to feel and if you can come to love and accept Rick, even when he cannot fully love and accept anything or anyone himself, then you will have proven to the universe that you have become an allower.
Yes, even though you know more now, you are still confronted at times by your old approach to life. It seems like things would be so much better if he could come along with you on this journey, but that's simply your attachment to what is. You are trying to maintain control. You do not need to control the course of your relationship. You cannot control it. You do not want to control it. You want it to be whatever it will be. It will be whatever is dictated by your vibration. Give up your attachment to how you see the relationship and just be okay with how it is and where it will go. If it lasts forever, then that is fine. If it ends tomorrow, then that is also perfectly fine.
You see, when you are attached to the relationship, you react in fear whenever Rick or anything triggers your limiting beliefs about yourself or this relationship. For instance, Rick asks you to notice the nose in the waterfall. You don't see it and so you tell him so. You could just as easily have lied and said that you saw it. No disagreement. But you wanted to be authentic and stand up for this new version of you. However, there is a wobble in your vibration and the universe points it out through this manifestation event. Rick is triggered by his fear that you can't see what you need to see and his behavior triggers your fear that the relationship might end, because you are now being authentic and you are very attached to this relationship. Do you see how elegant this is? You haven't fully adopted the new approach of allowing and so the universe gracefully points this out through a simple manifestation event.
Who you are becoming is a magnificent and limitless being of pure positive love and acceptance. It is a process by which you will have to face and resolve your fears. When you are attached to anything, as you believe it defines you, you maintain a wobble in your vibration. Your relationship with Rick allows you to believe that you are worthy of love. It defines you as worthy. Without the relationship, you fear that you would feel unworthy of love and this frightens you. However, your attachment prevents you from being limitless because you are using it to define you. Nothing about your relationship has to change, you must simply understand that you are worthy of love whether or not you are in a relationship. The relationship (or anything else) cannot define you because you are limitless.
If you can take it easier with regard to the importance of this one relationship, you will be triggered less often. You will not need Rick to agree with you. You will not do or say things inspired by fear and so you will trigger Rick less often as well. If he is upset, agree with him. That's not being inauthentic, it's being unconditionally loving and allowing.
With our unconditional love for you,
We are Joshua
