Dear Joshua,
Yesterday I was feeling - nothing. Of course, that means I'm feeling something but it wasn't good and it wasn't bad. Just was. And I considered the fear that I began to feel "I'm not into reading or thinking Joshua...I'm not interested in doing anything...And yet I have energy." I did some analysis and decided it was all OK. There really wasn't any fear - just a simple day and I allowed myself to just be.
Today, another day and a new start. Rereading the Joshua Diet book and early on there is the full description of how to analyze a fear/belief. I've read that list so many times, I'm sure I could recite it. But today feels different. I read it. (Of course, I highlighted it.) And then I took to my journal and made the list of steps. As I did, I felt such peace throughout my body. I'm not in a hurry to move, to change scenery, to find other things to do, especially not the "shoulds."
I felt a confirmation. I realized I actually have been working through these steps recently and it's been fun! It's a combination of feeling more confident, more worthy and being able to take the 'teasing' as just that and not an underhanded slap. And with my thoughts going along the path of analysis I can really feel the ease coming over me. (Thank you so much!)
There are two pieces that I have been so aware of the past few days.
First, it's the repeating thoughts in my head. I was in the shower, ready to wipe down the door (which is a 'rule' of the house) and I typically play out the same old complaints; "this is stupid. These are old doors. Who cares about a water spot or two? I have better things to do with my time." I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard my conversation take place in my head: "Why do you always say this same stuff? Why are you complaining? OH WAIT, ALLYSON - this is a negative emotion. It's bringing up a fear! What fear? Why would I be afraid of wiping the door? OH NO - it's not the action! It's that I want to be right in my defensiveness. I'm trying to justify why I don't want to or don't think it's necessary. And if I get questioned - I'll be ready with a barrage of justifications as to why I don't think it's necessary.... So now what are you going to think and feel? Well, since this is an irrational fear - what's next?" Oh Man, I have to think here ( I'm laughing at myself). Five long years of showering every morning to the tune of negative feelings, and irrational fear...what a goofball. Let's see ... I'll sing. I'll use different strokes. I can do this. I can ease the fear and frustration... OK, I'll find some fun in this. Thank you Universe, Thank you Inner Self. Man, I think I'm getting it...YeeHaaa!
Silly, but I felt it move me, gaining a higher perspective is what I believe you would call it, right?
Secondly, it's around Rick's teasing, which I tend to take way too personally and seriously! I get butt-hurt really easily. Alas, an opportunity to play the What's the Fear game. So I'm hearing myself... "when I feel a negative assumption come up, I can stop (I actually do stop and slap the counter or something while talking to myself) and say - He's teasing. I'm actually really good at this or that. I'm allowing my belief that I'm not good enough or doing something not right enough to get my feathers ruffled. I'm not going down this path again. I'm good. I'm OK." And then I stand up straighter and may or may not respond with something humorous and just let it go and I feel my body loosen up, relax. And then I say my gratitudes to my learnings.
I ain't got it all the way down yet but I'm seeing and feeling my experiences change. And thus my reality of this physical experience is changing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Allyson,
Dear Allyson,
Isn't it interesting to notice that when you begin to question your feelings, when you start to analyze the fear at the basis of negative emotion, you can see your habitual patterns of thought for what they are. They don't simply exist as tangible things. They are chosen. It might be a habit of thought. It might be something you once considered to be a fact. But all they are are beliefs based in nothingness. You can look at them and realize they are false and irrational fears. You can look at all negative emotions and understand that they have no power over you. You have power over them. All you have to do is look at them from another, higher perspective.
Everything you consider to be bad can only be seen as bad from a lower, limited perspective. If you had all the information, you would know that it is all right. If you had all the information, you could never feel negative emotion in the face of an irrational fear. The irrational fear would not mean anything because you have too much information. It's only when the information is limited that you feel fear. Isn't that interesting. So then, the only thing you need is more information or simply a change in perspective.
If you knew the reason Rick teases you, you would never feel fear. If you knew the tease had nothing to do with who you really are, you would not feel fear. It would not be possible. The only way you could feel fear is if you felt that the tease meant something about you. Since it only has meaning in the context of your own insecurities, then your ego rises up to define your persona and thus you feel fear. It might seem silly when you look at it from the higher perspective, but the survival mechanism is at play here and that instinct lives deeply within humans.
It is not wrong to feel fear, it is actually quite natural. However, you are able to overcome a lot of natural inclinations and so you can rise above this to establish a new protocol when dealing with teasing or any other perceived attack on your persona. If you perceive that a comment is directed at you in a deprecating way, you can look at the comment, just as you look at your thoughts, and you can consciously choose what it means.
This is the way of the conscious creator. The victim takes everything as an attack and allows the ego to defend the persona, because the victim is not living life consciously. As a conscious creator, you know that the only way Rick could ever tease you is to flesh out the fear that is holding this fragile persona together. If you perceive fear in the face of a tease, then you just got the opportunity to uncover a limiting belief. If you want to manifest your desires into your reality, then you will have to uncover and reduce the intensity of lots of limiting beliefs. Rick helps you do just this.
Aha! But you want Rick to stop. Do you really? Not really. If you are being conscious, you want to uncover these fears and process them so that all you desire can be manifested into your reality. You want the negative emotion to stop. But do you really? No. The negative emotion allows you to uncover these limiting beliefs and fears. So what do you really want? You want to develop a habit of seeing your life from the higher perspective and then in those times of negative emotion, you want to process the fears and diminish the intensity of your limiting beliefs.
As you do this, your vibration will rise and your desires will manifest in your reality as if by magic. That is what you truly want.
So thank Rick for teasing you and look at it all from a higher perspective. When you respond in good nature and do not react in a negative way, you use your focus to maintain your alignment and in doing that you send a powerful message to the universe. The message is: "I am ready for my desires to manifest into my reality!"
With our love,
We are Joshua
