Dear Joshua,
I was feeling good - moving along better today than yesterday - and I received an email from my sister requesting that I tell one of my contractors that they make too many mistakes...and she should be able to rely on me to provide the best service - so it was my place to fix everything.
I understand where she is coming from and what she means, but I am also very aware that she can find error - and thus toss blame - at every turn. I tried to explain to her that I feel she needs to be aware, due to LOA, of how she could turn around the problem with seeing all the positive and not focusing on the perceived errors. It went over like a lead balloon.
Now, I tried as best I could to "love" her and let it go and see that nothing's wrong - it's all right - but as you can see its still in my craw. I have listened to the Relationship meditation 3 times today. And each time I hear something and go Aha and then seem to forget the answer.
How do I see her blaming me - and everyone/everything else - for her continued issues as something she isn't doing wrong, something she is attracting and trying to toss to me? (My perception)
I'm under the impression that the issues keep coming up because she is so focused on how many people do not get her emails instead of the over 200 that do! I did softly try to tell her to refocus, but she just said I "need to do more than read Hicks". (Of course, I found that funny...I'm talking to Infinite Intelligence, girl!)
How can I let this go - see it as right? I know she has huge fears around a lot of things and I've got my own fears (around her) to continue to work thru but... I want to change her ... hmmm... yes, that's the problem... that won't work, will it? Darn it.
Thank you,
Allyson
Dear Allyson,
We find humor in the fact that you realize your own answer as you type the last word of your questions. We love the fact that you know the answers and still believe that you need us to explain it for you and we are ever so happy to do so. Yes, by perceiving that your sister is wrong for asking you to solve her problems, you are simply asking her to change rather than you changing the root of your issue, which in the most basic sense is fear.
If you perceive anything as wrong, no matter how small or insignificant, the only possible way you could ever see it as wrong is due to fear. There is always fear at the basis of anything you perceive as wrong. Without fear, you could not perceive it as wrong. Without any fear at all, you could only perceive it as right or okay. You would have no negative opinion. In order to judge something as wrong, it has to bring up some fear in you.
In the old approach to life, you would make your sister wrong rather than dealing with your fears. Isn't that exactly what she is doing to you? When you suggest that she try a different approach, aren't you simply making her wrong? When she believes that something is wrong, she fixes it. That is perfectly acceptable when she's working on a task, a project, or a business. It's when you believe the person is wrong that tends to cause a bit of a problem. For instance, you might believe that the color of your bedroom walls is wrong. It doesn't match your decor. The appropriate response is to move to what you prefer and in doing so you will be inspired to paint the walls. That's simple, right?
It's different with people. You can change the color of a wall, but you cannot change people. When you make them wrong, you're simply trying to change them. You are hoping they see the err in their ways and fix themselves so that you can feel better. Your sister wants to fix things and she turns to you to get these issues solved. It's not personal. It's just her way of getting things done and there's nothing wrong with that. Certainly, she may want you to be different as well, but she thinks that these changes will enhance your performance. It's just about getting the job done and as long as it gets done, she'll be satisfied until the next issue comes along. It's not so much her trying to change you (or other people), it's your problem with her approach. But aren't you just following the exact same approach?
If you could remove yourself from the equation and take comfort in the fact that you're just a wall to her and that's about it, then you can understand that there's nothing about you that needs to change. You are perfect as you are. You'll either take care of the tasks or not. If you do, she'll keep you around. If not, she'll get someone else. So what? It doesn't have to mean anything. You do not have to attach your identity to her approval of you. You can release your attachment to her opinion of you. Her opinion never matters.
Look at her without worrying what she thinks or how she speaks. Either fix the problem or don't. You can ignore her if you like and things will get fixed on their own or they won't. She'll figure out what to do next. You just concentrate on doing what you enjoy doing. Seriously, don't do anything else. If you do not enjoy doing what she asks, then ignore her requests. Don't tell her no, just do what you're inspired to do from a goodfeeling place and let the chips fall where they may. Everything will sort itself out one way or the other, but whatever you do, do not allow yourself to be defined by her idea of who you are. You are greater than she (or you) can imagine. Now start acting like it.
With our love,
We are Joshua
