Dear Joshua,
Several thoughts come together around the topic of blame/retaliation/etc. Rick and I are working through our recent manifestation event with our friends. I received the letter, I held it for a couple days and realized I needed to just present it to him and not sugar-coat it or control the presentation of the information. (My lesson.) He responded by not wanting to read the letter and asked that I give him the gist. I did and the discussions have been on and off for several days now.
In a nutshell, he's really angry and he wants Fred to know several things. He wants Fred to know and understand and appreciate all that he's done for Fred and how he is always there for him. (From my perspective, he wants Fred to see the error of his ways but that's just me.)
I've asked him to do nothing and say nothing until he's inspired and that the words that he does decide to use are more loving and supportive and less blame or excuses. Why do we humans want to punish our loved ones? Why do we want to use words to control other's behaviors? OK - I can answer that - I/We will feel better if we are in control and we show the person that they are wrong and thus we are right. If we are right, then we can feel better...
How do I share with Rick my new approach to life around handling this issue? How do I explain (if possible) that he needs to let it go and wish Fred well in his heart and mind, without words? Or is there some other important lesson that I can share with him (and learn myself!).
As always, Thank You!!
Allyson
Dear Allyson,
The reason Fred is upset has to do with fear. The fear was around Rick's criticism. Since Fred is unable to process the fear around the criticism he received from Rick, he feels negative emotion. He does not understand anything about the persona and the ego, so the only way he can remove the negative emotion is to remove the thing that caused the fear, and that is Rick. Rick feels fear now too and it is also based on his persona. He believes that he is a good person and the proof of this is that he has always been there for Fred. That is his persona. When Fred attacks Rick's persona (by excluding him), Rick's ego comes to the defense.
Both men are defined by their personas. Both have egos vigorously defending their personas and both are being driven by fear. Both men have sunk into low emotional states of being and in order to recover, they are receiving thoughts, urges, and impulses to call the other person wrong. Since their personas have been attacked and the their egos must defend their personas, the only thing the ego can do is call the other one wrong. In making the other wrong, they fool themselves into believing that they are right and this gives them a tiny bit of relief. However, since it is something neither man wants, they continue to feel negative emotion and continue to make each other wrong.
When you point out that Rick is wrong for criticizing Fred, you make him wrong and his ego defends his persona by making you wrong. You might find yourself the brunt of his criticism now. Instead of making him wrong by pointing out how his ego is defending his persona, make him right by acknowledging that anyone would feel bad if their friend simply shut them out. Explain that the friend interpreted the criticism in a fearful way and was worried that Rick did not like Fred. Fred was simply withdrawing before Rick had a chance to leave the relationship. Of course, this is not what really happened. Fred was simply finding a way to feel better and so he made Rick wrong.
If you can get Rick to focus on what he truly wants, which is a friendship with Fred, you can help him to receive the inspiration to manifest his true desire. Talk about how much fun they had together and what a good friend Fred truly is. Ask him if he would rather be angry at Fred, rather be stubborn, or would he rather enjoy the friendship with Fred and all the good that comes with that. If Rick can understand that his criticism was not wrong, it was just something that caused fear in Fred and that Fred did not know any other way to deal with the fear, then Rick will feel better about himself.
Rick must come to feel better before he can receive inspiration to make up with Fred. If you make him wrong, he will continue to feel bad and continue to resist what he truly wants. Make him feel as good as you can and help him to soften his persona. Help him to see what he really wants. Cause him to want to reunite with Fred. Bring out old photos and talk about good times they had together. Ask Fred's mate to do the same. If you can remove the fear for both men and ignite the desire for the continuation of the friendship, then you will engage the natural forces of the universe and everything will take care of itself.
With our love,
We are Joshua
