Dear Joshua,
I've had a morning of mixed emotions and I've pushed through a few tough moments and improved my perspective. I am in the middle of the Feeling Good meditation and we are doing the mantras.... I'm cruising along and all of a sudden; "Interests feel good...I want to pursue my interests" and "Passions feel good ... I want to pursue my passions" ... comes along and I state it in my mind and all of a sudden I'm sobbing.
As I've mentioned before, many years ago I was inspired to start creating a personal journal writing book/series and it comes and goes. Many glorious moments playing with it, as the inspirations came and went.
Over the past few days, I've been so tempted to open the files here on my computer and I've thought about the books and I've felt a slight tinge of desire to revisit. Then my material mind says I don't have time to be distracted. When you finish this task and that task you will get back to it and it will be good.
But upon hearing 'interests' and 'passions' I was moved so much and I know I 'should' (but never use should) just go peek, just play with it, let it be what it is for me at this time ... I'm fighting it. I can blame and be mad that I don't have time and that I am too busy and on-and-on the list goes.
When we feel these intense emotions, I'm thinking it's my IB telling me to get off my duff and Go Do It. And then I can feel the resistance. I guess it's fear of not doing what I am supposed to do? But trust me, I don't want to do housework right now...
Control and Doing Right cause a lot of fear. I'm just feeling sick of being in fear and the emotions that these bring up is just more uncontrollable sobbing... does that mean I'm letting go and moving through this or does it mean my resistance is getting deeper? I'm feeling very confused, overly-sensitive, perhaps.
And all the while, I can't wait to continue reading Perspective and loving it all and appreciating all this learning. Oh, how I wish I could make this radical new reality just as easy as reading about it.
Always, Allyson
Dear Allyson,
Becoming aware of a radically new approach to life is the first step. That step will lead to other steps. You will feel fear before taking the next step. Your inclination is to think about the next step and to determine if it is a good step or a bad step. You could just take the action you are inspired to take, but you do not do this. Why? Because you feel fear. Fear causes you to believe that the step is dangerous, wrong, unnecessary, or will lead to an unpleasant outcome. However, if you are inspired to take the step, then just take the step and push past all those irrational fears. If you could get into the habit of acting on inspiration in the moment that it strikes, you would be living life in a radically new way.
You are inspired to revisit these ideas you were once passionate about. That is inspiration and the next step is simply to look at the files and read what you have already written. There are no other steps at this point. When you receive inspiration, you tend to think fifty steps ahead. You think about editing them and publishing them and promoting them and this feel overwhelming and so you give up due to fear. However, that has nothing to do with the only thing you are inspired to do which is to open the files and take a look at what you have already created. The reason you did not get further along with this project is because you thought too many steps ahead and you attached this work to yourself as a defining thing. The work does not and cannot define you. You do not and cannot know where it will lead. All you have to do is take one step right after another whenever inspiration strikes.
You feel the inclination (inspiration) to revisit this project. You call it a slight tinge of desire. You could call it inspiration, but you are softening it because you do not want us to tell you that you are allowing fear to cause you to avoid inspired action. But this is exactly what is happening. You want to revisit it and delve back into it, but since you did not complete it, you feel like a failure and this feeling is painful because it brings up negative emotion. You feel like you should have finished it and because you didn't, it means that you are not as good as you pretend to be and as a result your inner self sends you a message in the form of negative emotion. You do not like the negative emotion and so instead of adjusting your perspective so that it is once again in alignment with your inner self, you simply avoid the thing that brought you joy in the first place. Do you see that it is not the work, but it is all about how you are defining yourself through the work?
Had you completed this project and had it been a material success (by however you might choose to define that) then you might have felt good about yourself. Of course, the reason you could not finish it was because you did not feel good about yourself enough to make it the success you think would prove you were good. You cannot look to the outside conditions to prove you're good. You are already good and nothing can prove you are good. It is impossible. If you felt like a success in this one area, then the conditions would have formed to bring you those feelings in the physical state. Since you did not feel worthy enough in this area, you could not receive anything that would make you feel worthy. All you could receive was what you did receive. The outside conditions are always a mirror to how you already feel about yourself.
Step one: do what you're inspired to do. Take the action and wait for the next step. There is never any step two, just another step one. Whatever you are inspired to do next (from a positive emotional state of being) will be the next step. It might lead to another step and another step and to something else completely different. It might lead right into a manifestation event. Work on feeling good and just allow yourself to be carried forward and trust that the conditions that present themselves are right. You must start processing your fears rather than avoiding them. When you realize that negative emotion is simply a reminder that you have chosen to look at something from a limited perspective, you can seek the higher perspective and move forward.
If you are inspired to do something, fear will pop up. This is especially true for you, because you have built some momentum and it is a habit for you to find reasons not to do something. Realize these reasons are just fear and that they are false. When you take action when inspired, you engage the forces of the universe and nothing else matters. Time does not matter. Other things you think you should be doing do not matter. Other people do not matter. Your perceived responsibilities do not matter. Your plans do not matter. Universal energy can solve all these issues. There are no mistakes. If you receive inspiration, you must take action. Make that your habit and do what you're inspired to do in the moment you are inspired to do it and your experience of life will radically change for the better.
With our love,
We are Joshua
